Neon Genesis Joker
by Mrotrax
Summary: Ever had a REALLY bad day? Shinji did a year before coming to Tokyo-3. But not to worry, it made him see the bright side of life, and dedicate his life to showing it to others…whether they like it or not. HE HA HA HA HA! Why so serious, reader? Experimental fic, read and review
1. You (Can) laugh, Right?

Neon Genesis Joker

Plot: Ever had a REALLY bad day? Shinji did a year before coming to Tokyo-3. But not to worry, it made him see the bright side of life, and dedicate his life to showing it to others…whether they like it or not. HE HA HA HA HA! Why so serious, reader?

This just a little plot bunny that's been bouncing around in my head recently, not really sure if there is enough for a full story, but putting it out there anyways. Feel free to adopt and expand if you want to, just give credit.

Read and review, would ye kindly?

 **Chapter 1: You (Can) Laugh, right?**

When all is said and done, it was a miracle it had taken him so long.

Seeing his mom, the light of his life, die in front of his eyes when he was barely four?

Check.

Abandoned by his father mere days after said death without a word in years?

Check.

Raised by relatives that were distant in both blood and affection, never once even helping get over what happened?

Check.

No friends to give a damn about? No teacher who showed him more than the basic helping in understanding how subjects worked?

Check.

On that note, it was kind of funny how he had even come to the realization:

"Hm."

He had just wanted to have some friends. It was a little dare to go and …or was it a prank on him? No, they grabbed him from class and tossed him in, saying no one would miss him. Wait, no that wasn't it

….

Huh.

What had happened again? It was all so blurry. He'd remember it one way a second, and then the next he'd realize he got that from a manga. Then he'd remember it another way, and realize that was a dream.

"He."

He really was hopeless, wasn't he? Just like everybody always said

"He Ha."

It was funny; he actually tried something…and this happened. People were going to lecture and berate the hell out of him, saying he should've been smarter than this, as if they actually knew him.

"He Ha ha."

But that's life right?

"Ha ha, ha."

Life.

That's when he realized the truth about everything; his parents, lack of friends and drive...It all boiled down to one thing:

"Ha ha ha ha!"

Life was the ultimate joke, and he was the punchline.

Or…Had been.

"HA HA HA HA HA! HE HE HO HO HA!"

Police surrounded the boy known as Shinji Ikari, only to gasp or gag when they saw what was in front of them: No more was he a meek teenage boy, what stood before them was something that would never be forgotten.

All throughout the night, Shinji's laughs never stopped.

 **1 year later, Tokyo-3**

Dancing to the music on his player, a young man in purple made his way to a payphone. Stopping in shock of such a thing still existing in this day and age, he nonetheless smiled, whipped out a can of spray on paint and sprayed a smiley face onto it. He then inserted a coin and dialed the number he'd been given.

"Sorry, all lines are down…"

He hung up and toddled off to the nearest bench, pulling out an apple to keep him busy while he waited for his pickup.

Just then, a rumble

"Big G!" He shouted "What have they done to you?!"

The massive creature in question easily towered over most bulidings: Humanoid in appearance with a big red orb in its center and bird skull for an apparent face. The army was attempting to stop it, but if giant monster movies had taught the boy anything, and it was being proved right now…they didn't do much.

"You'd think they'd learnt by now." He mused. "I mean this is Japan; with all the kaiju monster movies you'd think they'd have an idea what to do if something actually happened like that."

One of the helicarriers was then sent flying to the ground and in his general direction.

"Oh crab baskets."

The impact sent him flying to the ground, where a car suddenly pulled in front of him.

"Shinji?"

The speaker was an admittedly very beautiful woman with long ivory hair and an hourglass figure. The boy looked at the picture he'd received in the mail. Shades aside it was a perfect match expect for…

"False advertising!" The boy pouted playfully. "I was promised a bikini gal, not a hardened military woman…though I do still like what I see."

The young woman chuckled slightly and motioned him in.

"No need, I have my own ride." He said, pulling out a button he pushed. "Just lead the way."

In pulled in a tank like vechile with a big smiley face on it.

"You're welcome to come in, if you want." He smiled sweetly. "Just point me in the direction. Oh, you're surprised at this old thing? Bulit it myself. Well, more like redesigned it myself…but we should be fine in here. This bad boy was built to take bombs like they were nothing."

Shocked but not lookinga gift horse in the mouth, the woman drove her car into the vehicle and made her way to where her escort was sitting.

"I'm Misato Katsuragi." She explained.

"Charmed."

It took them 15 minutes to reach their destination.

XXX

"Okay puppies, you just sit here and behave. Daddy will be back soon."

"Who are you talking to?" Misato asked

"My pet hyenas." He answered truthfully, walking down the hall.

"Your…what?"

"Hyenas. You know, the really big moongose cousins? The henchmen from the Lion King? Jaws that crush elephant bones?"

Misato just stood there in shock. Sure, she had Pen-Pen the penguin, but hyenas? That was an odd choice.

He then doubled back, embarrassment in his form.

"Where we going again?"

It took an hour of going around in circles before another face appeared; a blonde woman in a swimsuit.

"Katsuragi, care to explain why I'm looking for you when I should be prepping for the upcoming..?"

She then saw who was accompanying her old friend had a very happy look in his eyes.

"HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA!" The boy grinned. "I don't know whats going on but I'm loving what I'm seeing!

"…This is him?"

"Yep."

Ritsuko Akagi, as she called herself, escorted them into an elevator that took them down to a darkened level. Suddenly, lights flicked on, revealing a giant robot head.

"It's….so…PURPLE! I LOVE IT!" He clapped like a giddy child in a candy shop, racing all over to get a better view of it. "Can I keep it?"

"It's been a while."

The boy looked up to see a grim faced man in glasses looking down at him.

"….And you are?"

His question confused many

"I need a pilot, not some punk in a cheap suit, Katsuragi!" Gendo bellowed. "Where is the Third?"

"Um sir? This IS him."

"Oh this was not cheap." The boy smiled, pointing to his outfit. "I paid very well for it. Well, actually, YOU paid well for it. 2 million. And you can feel very yen."

He snuggled

"Oh that's comfy. Go ahead, feel it."

….

….

"No takers? Okay then. So….the fuck do you want, beardie? You never wrote, you never called…what you want?"

"I called because I have a use for you." Gendo replied. "You will pilot it."

…..

"So let me get this straight." The boy said. "You called me after what, ten years? To pilot a mecha. To battle alien monsters. Am I missing anything?

No response.

….

"HA! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

He burst into laughter, rolling on the ground and slamming his fists onto said ground, somehow keeping his hat on his head.

"That…that actually is pretty funny!" He cackled, wiping a tear from his eyes. "It's beautiful, in a way!"

"GET IN THE GOD DAMN EVA, SHINJI!"

….

"Shinji?" The boy asked. "Shinji died a year ago. You can call me…"

He lifted his hat, and delighting in the gasps of shock and horror that greeted him,

"Joker."

The boy formerly known as Shinji Ikari's hair was lime grin and his skin chalk white, save for his eyes, which seemed to be darkened by either eye-shadow or some other shading make-up.

"And as you can see…I'm a lot happier. HE HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

He opened fire onto where Gendo stood, only for a flag with 'BANG!' on it to come from the nozzle.

"Just kidding!" He smiled, giggling impshily as he did so, he looked around to see everyone on edge lowly beginning to relax.

He then aimed the gun at a nearby man in black and fired again. The flag left the gun with a bang and imbedded itself into the poor sap's forehead.

"Oops." He said. "No I wasn't."

The commander hid his fear well, ordering that someone named rei be summoned.

"Gendo." The old man beside the commander pointed out. "Is the body not a clear enough indicator this could end very badly for anyone in this room?"

"I like him!" Joker said, pointing to said old man. "He gets it!"

The orderlies wheeled in a girl with blue hair wrapped in bandages that somehow struck a cord with the young man. She looked awfully familiar, but why….?

"I'll do it." Joker said, marching toward the Eva. "As funny as it would be to see a cripple fight kaiju, what boy doesn't dream of doing it himself?"

XXXX

"Launch the Eva." Misato commanded, sending the mech to the city.

"WEEEEE!"

"What do we have?" Ritsuko asked the techies.

"100% synchronization!" Maya noted in shock

"AGAIN!" Joker beamed once the Eva had stopped. "AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN!"

"Kill the angel first." Misato commanded, pointing him to it.

What followed next was…interesting.

Joker made the angel perform kicks and flips with no regard to the city around them…and then it just stopped.

"Technology!" Joker snapped. "Never works when you need it!"

Suddenly, a humanoid figure wrapped in black burst in front of him, arms stretched out.

"Hugs?" Shinji asked, embracing the presence. "Put er there, whats yer name!"

The figure wrapped Shinji in a tight embrace as the Evangelion began fighting all on its own, eventually winning the battle and emerging unscacthed even after the angel attempted suicide

But it was the video-call of the pilot that put everyone on edge;

Joker was crying. And not smiling.

He descended to the locker rooms with that shocked look on his face, ignoring everything around him.

"AHH! GET THEM OFF OF ME!"

He then turned to see Section Two agents surrounding his father while two animals he was very familar with mauled one of them

"Harley! Quinn! Spit that out, you have no idea where it's been!" Joker snapped, making the Hyenas whine under his throat. "There, there poopsies. It's okay, daddy's just…confuzzled at the moment. He'll give a nice, fat rich guy later."

The two hyenas yipped for joy and licked his face.

"Oh, and BTW daddy!" Joker shouted as Gendo got farther awy. "Mommy knows EVERYTHING you did….She ain't happy."

Gendo's form and face actually cringed.

Joker then turned around and asked

"So…who do I have to drown to get a decent place around here?"

XXX

"Well, Dr. Akagi?" Gendo asked, less confident than usual.

Ritsuko kept looking over the same sheets of paper over and over again, praying to god she'd made a mistake. She hadn't.

"Genius level intellect." She started off the bat. "Or at the very least, no restrictions whatsoever, which explain his 100% sync rate with the Eva."

"A pure brawler in terms of fighting." Misato added in. "And can take a hell of a lot of damage….he even seems to get off on it."

"This was not in the scenario…." Gendo cursed himself, racking his brain for how this could have gone so wrong.

"And apparently, he built that tank of his himself." Misato added, making all turn at her in shock of what she'd said.

Just then the phone rang.

"I thought I said to hold my calls." Gendo reminded his secretary.

"You did, but the gentleman on the line won't get off until he speaks to you, says it won't take long."

Sighing, the commander picked up the phone and said:

"Hello?"

"Hello, Gendo."

The Commander of NERV froze in shock and fear for the second time that night. It was the one voice he truly feared, and his cold sweating face made it clear to all how much trouble he was in.

"What, no hello back? I shouldn't be surprised…you never cared for anyone but yourself and Yui."

"H-how did you get this number?" Gendo asked, trying to play it cool.

"It wasn't hard." The voice said. "But we can discuss that later. For now then, I'll settle for you answering me this simple question… why is my grandson is Tokyo-3?"

Joker whistled throughout the Geo-Front, looking at anything that grabbed his fancy and scaring anybody he could; which when you have pale white skin, a glasglow grin and green hair, is pretty easy.

He then caught a glance of his…father…entering a room with the old man from before. He moved to follow…

XXX

"As long as Instrumentailty happens…" One of the new older men started, only to be cut off by…

"Oh ha ha ha. Ho he ha. A ha ha ho."

All turned to see Joker walking in, a deadpan look on his face.

"And I thought my jokes were bad. All becoming one? SOMEONES been reading too much transformers…."

"How did you get here?" One of the men asked. "We had over a dozen guards outside."

"Oh, those were yours?" The boy asked, smacking himself on the head. "Knew I should've gone for the whole group getting the best joke discount?"

He pointed out the door, and what he'd done made the men inside balk and gag.

Half the guard's throats had been torn out or had random small items in their heads. The others were smiling big, toothy, painful grins.

"Joker venom." The clown like boy explained, squeezing the flower on his out and letting out some gas. "My own little creation."

"You monstrous bastard!" One of the men shouted. "Some of them had families!"

"You know, no one ever complains when you kill a single person." Joker mused. "It's always the ones with families you get all the bitching for."

"Explain yourself, Ikari." The apparent leader commanded. "What is your son..?"

"I ain' t his son." Joker growled.

"Wacth your tone, boy." The leader growled. "We can hurt…"

Joker burst into laughter, slapping his knee.

"Oh, I always wanted to hear that! So you can hurt. Hurt? Who can you hurt? What can you do? In case it hasn't dawned on you….You have NOTHING to threaten me with!"

"Perhaps we're being hasty." Another man said. "Mr. Joker….perhaps we can pay you to aid in…"

"Nope."

…

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm a man of simple tastes." Joker explained. "Explosives, powders, gases…all cheap. Besides who'd want to be rich? Once you take something, you spend your whole life fight to keep it."

He then marched further into the room.

"You see, good gents, you have eaten well. You have taken this world's wealth and filled your stomaches and pockets. Well, I hope you enjoyed it; as of right now, none of you old croods are safe."

He reached behind his back…and pulled out a machine gun. "Cause this clown's packing HEAT!"

He then unleashed a spray of bullets on the SEELE members, laughing at their death throes for a full minute before leveling it at Gendo.

 _How did he get that in without us noticing?_ Was all Fuyutski could think about.

"Oh, what fun would that be?" Joker cooed, tossing the gun aside. "If I just up and killed you now, yeah I'd feel better…but no….no, you…daddy….need to suffer first."

Gendo remained defiant

"You'll find I am not so easily hurt, boy."

Joker's smile increased even more

"I love a challenge."

He then marched towards the door.

"You'll be living in the same district as the First child." Gendo shouted as he left. "And attending the same school. Section 2 agents will escourt you there."

An agent who ahd ducked under chair and survivied the bullets smirked

"With our luck, he'll shoot up the place and gets us in deeper shit."

….

Joker walked back into the room backwards swivelled to see the Agent who had said such words and, with great glare and no shortage of venom in his voice, growled:

"That's. Not. Funny."

Joker then grabbed the man by his tie before removing his glasses and jamming them into his throat, making the man choke on his own shades and blood.

The white skinned boy then walked out the door as if nothing happened, whistling all the way.

XXX

He made his way to the infirmary, determined to see the girl his….father…had deemed more important than him.

"Hi…" He smiled weakly. "You're um…you're looking better."

"..Is there something you wanted, Pilot Ikar.."

Rei felt the whole room darken

"…Joker?" She corrected herself.

The boy's mood returned to normal/

"Oh just wanted to say hi and ask why you doing this." Joker answered. "You know, small chat and all that shebang."

"It's all I have." Rei answered. "It is my bond. Besides, I don't fear death. I am replaceable."

At those words, a smile and devious idea filled Joker's head as he giggled

"You've never even acted like a human, how would you know?" He asked. "And defending these worthless dung-heaps?"

"The betterment and protection of humanity."

"Humanity?" Joker smirked. "Or the commander?"

"Commander Ikari is a great man."

"If by great you mean a coward and cheating bastard, then yeah, that sums him up perfectly."

Rei slapped he pale boy in anger.

"Oh spicy." Joker smirked as he rubbed his cheek and licked his lips. "I like that. Rei-baby, can I call you baby, babe? Let me tell you how you're missing the joke here…First of all, you're the First right? Numero uno…da champette, the big bad babe who'll sweep in and save the day….and for what?

"I mean, come on: Wars, plague, crime, famine…another season of Family Guy!"

"…Pardon?"

"Family Guy?" Joker asked, before shrugging it off. "At least in the Eva I don't have to pretend."

We don't have to pretend

"Lets be honest Rei…" Joker smiled. "There's got to be something you want."

"…warm water in my apartment." She thought aloud. :And for the commander to stop sleeping with Dr. Akagi…and for her to stop giving me medica….

"See?" Joker pointed. "You got it!"

Rei then did something out of the ordinary…she smiled

"That's what I like to see." Joker smiled back, softness in his tone. "A nice…big….smile."

XXX

The second angel came three days later, and it promptly died. What a shocker

"Can I keep the whips?" Joker asked. "I've been looking for a neew power source for my buzzers."

"No."

"Aw come on, doc…"

"No."

"Shinji!" Msiato said, appearing out of nowhere with a pained and anxious smile on her face. "So….how you been?"

"Bummed." Joker answered truthfully. "And it's Joker."

"Well…I got some bad news." Msiato said. "Turns out, Unit 02 and its pilot are coming on over and they have better scores than you…"

"And aren't as crazy?" Joker cut in. "Well, it's been fun. Thanks for letting me live out every boy's dream. Now I can get back to my old job…sharing the joys of laugher with all."

He smiled as he walked out the door, apparently never to return again.

NERV threw a party to celebrate not having to deal with the pyscho anymore. All were happy…but Rei.

In the brief time they'd spent, the two had grown…together. Not exactly close by any means, but having a neighbor your own age who explained the humor of life had shifted things considerably for the blue haired girl

She found some lipstick Dr. Akagi had dropped and used it to make a smile on her face. She then smiled back at her reflection as an idea fromed in her head and she made her way to the lab, no defenseless.

"Ha."

XXX

"YOU SENT HIM BACK THERE?!" Masataka Ikari roared at Gendo over the phone before cowering into the corner of his room the next day. "No, no, no, no! We need to go! MAX!"

"Hai, sensei?" a young, female voice said on the other line.

"PACK OUR BAGS! MY IDIOT SON-IN-LAW SENT SHINJI BACK HOME!"

Gendo didn't even need to be there to realize the fear that must have been in the room.

Then he saw why on the front page:

Five delinquents murdered. One was blown up via cigarette filled with nitroglycerin, another drank poisoned water, another had his neck snapped and what the police could find of the last one was found in a bloodied shark aquarium.

Gendo's phone rang.

"We need to talk." His father-in-law ordered. "Now."

They met for lunch at a café.

Masataka was a well built older man with a bald head and brown moustache. He towered over most and was accompanied by Max, a young American woman who was his aide de camp.

"Who were they?" Gendo asked.

"Five boys who may have somehow been involved with Shinji turning out as he has." The older man explained. "Before you ask, yes I have been keeping tabs on my grandson but no, I have no idea what exactly happened to him. Those five were the only ones."

"And why didn't I receive any word from my cousin?"

"You wouldn't have paid it any mind anyways." Fuyutski noted, making Masataka nod in agreement along with Max.

"Are you familiar with that…venom of his?" the one woman in the party asked.

"The one that forces people to smile?"

"Well….who do you think he tried it on first?" The older man asked.

It was then that Gendo finally realized….he'd done fucked up.

"Did you see anything odd?" Max asked. "Something he cared for? Didn't try to kil?"

"Aside from Rei, no."

"Who?"

"The first." Gendo explained, showing the albino's pcuture. Masataka smiled

"Good, good." He mused. "This is what I was talking about; whatever Shinji went through, it must have been terrible. But, there is hope! He can't harm anyone who reminds him of his mother."

"How do you know this?"

"Why do you think you're only learning about him now? Let me make this clear, Gendo." Masataka said. "I don't know what Yui saw in you. I hate your guts. And I admit, I didn't do enough for Shinji…but unlike you, I at least tried. I have been trying for the past year; covering up his tracks as much as I can, trying to talk him out of whatever he's doing….But I can't do it alone. If you truly love Yui, then I implore you….for her sake, if no other….find a way to save my grandson…the light of her life….your son."

Masataka then grabbed his coat and helped Max up.

"Shinji will return to NERV in a day or two. Once he realizes I'm back in his old home."

XXX

"I'M BACK, BITCHES!" Joker beamed at the top of his voice a few days later. "AND I BROUGHT PARTY FAVORS FOR EVERYONE!"

All of NERV shuddered. Harley and Quinn marked the hallways and followed their daddy on his way to cheer on Rei at her test.

"Not him…."

"Why can't Asuka be here already?" Misato groaned.

XXX

The Commander had not slept in days, trying to figure out an answer.

The problem?

Joker was GOOD at killing Angels. Very good.

And only Unit 01 responded to him.

And he was the only pilot readily available, with Rei recovering and Asuka in Germany.

This in turn and helped spark support for the Jet Alone project; man people were far more comfortable with a logically running computer fighting alien monsters for them over a psychopathic teenage boy. Gendo himself agreed with this….

But his scenario's success was the only thing that truly mattered to him.

Solution?

It came fairly quickly to him.

So, later that evening, he rented out an entire restaurant in an attempt to curb his son's destructive habits towards a better usage.

"I hope you realize, Third, the expenses I went through to arrange this."

Joker savored his steak and stole the wine bottle, downing some of it. Harley and Quinn were nearby, munching on scraps.

"There is a…situation…that hinders NERV's scenario." Gendo explained. "You have skills that are suited to take care of said situation."

Joker kept chewing.

"NERV needs to stay unrivalled, and the Jet-Alone project, if successful, will cause a shift in our power. We need you to make sure it fails. Is that within your abilities, Third?"

A cough escaped the pale skinned boy.

"Can I have some water?" Joker asked plainly.

Gendo signalled to the nearest agent to hand Joker a glass of water. The agent silently begged for the commander to reconsider, but the glare of the most feared man in the world made him buckle and he handed the psychopathic teenager a glass with a shaking hand.

Joker took the glass and looked at it, then the man who'd handed it to him, then the group as a whole. He hardened his face, brought his attention back to the glass, lifted it higher…

And drank it all in one gulp.

"Ah. That's good H2O." He smiled.

SMASH!

Joker then slashed an agent's throat with the glass before grabbing his gun and unloading it into the others, stopping right in front of Gendo.

"I'm a need…." Joker mused. "Something to wear. And a very large can of spray-paint."

"Very well." Gendo sighed, his form tight in fear and shock. "Anything else?"

"I'll need some guys."

"Not these guys, though. Kind of dead, you know what I'm saying?"

He grinned maniacally.

"HE HE HE HA HA HA!"

XXX

WHY SO SERIOUS?

Ritsuko and Misatio burst out laughing at the scene.

The robot that claimed to surpass Nerv was covered with those words all over it.

"I crack myself up!" Joker smiled from the sofa in his room and pulling out a book. "This is my new #1!"

And all it took was him in a skin tight stealth suit, a spray paint, randomly pushing buttons on consoles and his newest partner….

"It gets better." Rei said, pointing to the screen.

Jet Alone then came to life, performing disco moves as sound burst from its new speakers:

" _Shake! Shake! Shake senora! Shake it all the time!"_

"Oh, they're playing my song!" Joker clapped before remembering something. "I didn't do that."

He turned over to his roommate and techica; sister.

"Rei…."

"I recalled seeing the song being danced to humorously at some point. I thought it would add to the comedy." The blue haired girl explained.

Joker cringed and walked over to her, a look of ager on his face…only to smile and pat her on the head.

"Good girl." He smiled honestly. "But don't ever explain the joke again."

"Understood."

The phone then rang, and Joker smiled, knowing all too well what it meant.

"The lights are on and the gloves are off, it's robot fighting time!" He beamed.

XXX

A few days later, Rei found herself on a copter to the battle ship Over the Rainbow with Misato.

"Thank you for bringing me out on tjis excursion." She said

"I wish I could say I was just being nice." Misato smiled. "But the commander actually begged me to take you along; get you out of the city, see and meet interesting people…and get away from Shinji…"

"Joker."

"What?"

"His name is Joker." Rei reminded the Clonel.

Misato paid it no mind, focusing on the joy she'd feel seeing a familiar face soon enough. At least she could deal with this one.

A few minutes later, she smiled at said familiar face

"My Asuka, you've grown!" She smiled.

"Yeah and I'm not just taller, my figures filled out too!" The red head smirked.

"Rei, meet the designated pilot of Unit 02. The Second Child Asuka Langely Soryu."

The two pilots took a look at each other, before Asuka glanced around.

"Where is the famous Third?" she asked.

"Unfortuantely, Shinji…"

"Joker."

"…Couldn't make it."

Music suddenly burst through the air:

 _All hail!_

 _The new king in town_

 _Young and old, gather 'round (yeah)_

 _Black and white, red and green (funky)_

And from wherever the music came from, stepped out a young man in a purple suit, dancing to it cheerfully alongside two hyenas that struggled to keep up with him on the windy carrier. At his side was a paint-can and paint brush

 _The funkiest man_

 _You've ever seen_

 _Tell you what his name is_

 _Partyman, partyman!_

"Oh no…" Misato whimpered. Why? How? When?

"Who the hell is that?" Asuka asked.

"Joker." Rei explained. "The Third Child."

 _Rock a party like nobody can_

 _Rules and regulations - no place in his nation_

 _Partyman, partyman_

 **(AN: I apologize if this too soon, I had this scene stuck in my head and it was meant to be a tribute to the 89 Batman movie)**

Reaching the trio along with Harley and Quinn, both of whom looked about to toss their cookies, the pale skinned boy shut off his radio and tossed it to the side…right into the ocean.

"So a trip and I wasn't invited?" He asked. "It's because I'm white and have a dick, isn't it?"

"This…is the Third Child?" Asuka asked in shock.

Joker's eyes then buldged at the sight of…of…

Pure beauty. Waves of red, curvy figure, eyes you could drown in

What were these feelings? He felt so warm and fuzzy and….

Wait.

Feelings?

"Oh no." He realized. "It's coming back. The cruel reality. REI! MY SEDATVE!"

His sister handed him a mallet

"Now to take care of these pesky feelings."

BONK!

Joker fell flat to the ground, a big red imprint on his forehead, leaving all nwith shocked looks on his faces.

"I believe he likes you, pilot Soryu." Rei explained.

"…where were you keeping that mallet?" Misato asked.

 **Read and review, would ye kindly?**

 **Should I continue? Please offer suggestions or adopt if you wish.**


	2. You can be (In) sane

**Chapter 2: You are (In) sane!**

Joker awoke in a room, Harley and Quinn whimpering and licking at his face

'Oh, sorry babies." He smiled, patting them on the head. "Daddy just had to get rid of the funny feelings."

The hyenas whined, Quinn pulling on his pant leg and Harley helping him get back on his feet.

"Now, show me to the stage." The clown ordered. "Time for the show-stopper."

The hyenas led their owner to the main deck, where they found Misato and the ship's captain engaging in an calm argument over the Eva on board while the Navy was pissing about being 'degraded' to babysitting…

Perfect.

"Now people, simmer down. Make peace, not love!"

Misato and the admiral found themselves getting shocked as Joker took them both into a handshake.

"HOO HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Joker beamed at the shocked faces of his superior and the older man." But honestly feller, if you're going to have a dick fighting contest with Misato…. You must have started off with the world's cruelest handicap."

Rei and Misato smirked at that.

"And you are?" The captain asked.

"Joker." The clown bowed dramatically. "Formerly known as Shinji Ikari, Pilot of Eva unit 01 and proveyor of spreading cheer and joy on this depressive dung heap we call a planet."

"Not what, who?" The captain growled, trying to wipe off what he presumed to be make-up…for naught.

"Smear free; its perma-clown!"

….

….

"Eesh, tough crowd" Joker mused.

"That was one horrible." Rei noted

Joker let out a sigh

"Remind me why I keep you around, Rei?"

"I am the sole thing to remind you of your late mother, I give you motivation to spite your fath…"

Joker glared ferociously.

"…The commander and I am adoreable."

Joker smiled and patted her on the head

"Good girl."

"This is what you're doing." Joker said, pointing to a chatty hand before it stopped. "This is what I want you to do."

"..Did you just tell me to shut up?"

"YES!" Joker beamed. "Look at the brains on this one."

Rei barely clapped.

"…Everybody on this boat a critic or something?"

The admiral snapped and reached to grab the boy, only to be flung to the ground and feel a hand clamp over his mouth and a blade flash.

"Ah tut, tut, tut!" Joker smirked, lifting a thumb to show….his whole suit was littered with grenades and his left pinkie held the single pin connecting them. "Let's not get carried away…yet."

He smiled evilly as they backed off.

"Misato." Asuka whispered. "Please don't tell me that isn't the Third Child."

"Okay, I won't tell you." The Major smiled weakly as Joker brought himself back to his feet, his knife nimbly moving through his fingers.

"Now good sailor men." He smiled. "None of you have ever fought these things. He, hell…I bet most of you have never even seen action. Now you're in the navy; the easy army. So listen to me, cause I'll make this so easy that if you can't understand you'll be smiling like me: When the big bad angel comes, and it will I assure you…You will let Misato take over. She has successfully led the operations that slew the last bunch

He then caught a better glimpse at Asuka

"Hello beautiful."

He took a bow and reached to peck her hand, but she pulled back.

"You look nervous." Joker mused, a soft look on his face. "Is it the skin? Want to know how I got it this way?"

"Later, Shinji." Misato cut in, stopping whatever spiel the insane boy had in store.

"Joker." Rei corrected for the major

Misato just ignored the other two pilots and gave the admiral the sheets he'd refused to use earlier before turning her attention back to the clown

"How the hell did even get here, Shinji?"

"Joker." Rei corrected again

"Harley, Quinn and I stowed away in the luggage compartment." Joker smiled as the Hyneas sniffed Asuka and nuzzled against her.

The red haired german surprised most by petting the hyenas and even scratching Quinn's chin.

"I mean, I've actually killed Angels!" Joker pointed out. "Why does Rei get to on a field trip while I;m stuck at home? You're acting like all I do is kill people!"

"You did remove 10 people from the mortal coil this morning before breakfast." Rei noted, only to be ignored.

"And by the way…by the way: Calling someone is not juts unprofessional, but its plain rude." Joker humphed.

"You're registered as Shinji." Misato said "I will address you by that name until its changed."

"Oh….!" Joker fumed in his step, shaking his fists. "One of these days, Misato…One of these days….BAM! Straight to them moon!"

The admiral let out a laugh, as did some of the marines.

For the first time since Rei and Misato met him…Joker was completely awestruck and confused.

"…Did you just….laugh at my joke?" He asked

"Yes." The admiral beamed. "It was kind of funny."

"…you get the punch-line right?" Joker asked, his confusion slowly vanishing.

"I thought we were not supposed to tell…" Rei started, only for a gloved hand to stop her.

The other started laughing uncomfortably, obviously hopping it would spare them

"I…think we'd better step out." Misato said with a nervous smile on her face, grabbing her former and soon to be charge and dragging her away. "Come on, Asuka, how about you show us to the galley?"

"Harley. Quinn." Rei beckoned the hyenas, but not staying behind to see if they followed her.

"That one….wasn't supposed to be funny." Joker said in deadpan, his face straight.

The marines stopped laughing just as they heard the flashing of steel.

The admiral's neck was soon all over the floor and Joker's shoes. He gasped for air and tried to stop the bleeding, only to something to enter his head: A flag that said 'BANG! I'm Dead!'

The clown pilot looked up around to see the men standing in shock. Some clearly wanting to make him pay for what he'd just done.

"Now…who of you takes over if something happens to him?"

One man raised his hand shakily.

Joker walked right on over to him, gave him a look over….and smiled.

"Good!" The clown then whistled. "Harley! Quinn! Lunchtime!"

The hyenas leapt onto the dying man, their lips salivating

"Hold it!"

The hyenas looked over to their owner, their mouths still open over the corpse he'd promised them.

"Wait for the dinner bell…"

DING RING-RING!

The hyenas happily devoured their lunch just as Joker closed the door, leaving the Marines with horrifying sight.

"Bon appetite, babies!"

He found Rei, Misato and Asuka standing outside; Rei had am impasse look on her face, Misato was clearly smiling to hide her fear and Asuka…

He couldn't read what was going on in that pretty little head of hers, or what that pretty face was….

NO! Not the feelings again!

He quickly turned back around and locked the door before pressing his ear to it to make out the marines puking and exclaiming fear at the sight of their admiral being devoured.

Ah. The world made sense again.

"Well, that's done." He beamed. "Anybody for lunch?"

"Interesting party we have going on here."

"KAJI!" Asuka beamed in joy while Misato cringed in fear and shock.

"I…don't think you want to go in there." Misato barely managed, the shock of seeing her ex worrying her greatly.

Joker glared at this man.

"Can I help you?"

…..

"I don't like you."

Kaji seemed hurt by that comment.

"I'm going to stretch my legs a little bit." Joker confessed. "See you at the cafeteria!"

XXX

The group soon made its way down to the gallery and enjoying a meal. Joker finally appeared to see Kaji attempting to flirt with Misato

"So red…" He started. "You kill angels often?"

….

"You got a boyfriend?"

….

"Hey, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'u' and 'I' together."

…..

Asuka just ignored him for a while, trying to spark up a conversation with Rei. She eventually gave up and dragged the clown boy away

"Come on third!" She shouted. "I'll show you a real EVA!"

"Shouldn't you buy me dinner first?" Joker asked.

Asuka escorted him outside and shown him Unit 02.

"Anybody ever call it 4 eyes?" Joker asked after she ended her explanation on why it was a superior Eva than his.

"At least my mommy still talks to me in mine." Joker mused to himself, not quite quiet enough to go unheard.

Before Asuka could inquire what he meant by that, the ship was rocked by an Angel. Asuka smiled evilly and ran to get ready.

Not being able to resist himself, Joker dashed to the main deck and shouted on their intercom:

"THERE SHE BLOWS!"

"CAN YOU NOT?" The new in charge man hissed.

"What? I see a giant sea monster and you expect me not to make a joke?" Joker asked.

"SHE'S POSSESSED!" The new leading marine shouted once they realized Asuka didn't have waterproof equipment

"SHE's INSANE!" Another followed.

"SHE'S MY KIND OF GAL!" Joker beamed, not noticing Rei's pouting face.

Long story short, Asuka killed the Angel with little aid

"Rei." Joker started.

"Joker?" Rei asked.

"Call me crazy…"

"Crazy."

Her brother glared at her.

"…But I do believe something is missing from this whole shi-bang."

"…Me too." Misato added, inwardly cringing at agreeing with the psychopath.

"Perhaps you were supposed to have gone with pilot Soryu, enabling her to show you how it is proverbially done and force you to both ogle her suit and make you wear one of hers, bringing fourth issues about your own gender and sparking a romance."

The two pilots looked at each other, smiled and said

"NAAAAH!"

XXX

 **NERV Tokyo 3**

 **2 hours later**

HA HA! JOKES ON YOU!

Gendo trembled in his chair; not sure if it was anger or fear.

"Um…commander?" Kaji asked, his only answer being the commander pointing down at the suitcase.

Instead of the frozen Adam embryo he'd tasked Kaji with bring to him, there was simply a smiey face with the message above inscribed.

"Lose something?"

He looked over his shoulder to see his father-in-law and his young assistant looking in from the door, a knowing look on his face.

"What did you tell him?"

"Tell him?" Masataka asked. "Shinji hasn't talked to me in months…and even then, it was less of a chat and more of a fist-cuffs."

Max nodded in memory of that battle.

"I know not what you were up to Gendo, nor do I particularly care." Masataka Ikari reminded his son in law. "But I made my terms clear: you were to try and help Shinji."

"And I…"

"Jet Alone doesn't count." Max cut in. "Yeah, we know all about that, you…"

"COMMANDER!"

In stormed Dr. Akagi, a terrified look on her face.

"What is it now?" Gendo sighed.

"It's the clones!" She shouted. "They're….they…."

A swarm of Reis then entered the room, all dressed in clothes from all over the world.

"Bonjour, le commandte!"

"Hola, comandante!"

Ahloa, luna koa!"

"Hallo Kommandant!"

They then all cleared their throats and began singing:

"IT'S A SMALL WORLD, AFTER ALL…!"

…

….

….

And with that, the commander and head scientist snapped, shouting to the heavens:

"JOKER!"

Masataka and Max laughed slightly at the scene, while across town, Joker suddenly patted Rei on the head.

"Good girl."

Rei smiled at her mentor/ surrogate brother's praise.

XXX

The next day, all three pilots found themselves at school together. Asuka was soon the center of attention. Joker and Rei disappeared into the background, the clown waving to Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aidia, his 'henchmen.'

Kensuke wanted to be a pilot more than anything, and Joker promised to make him just like him. The otaku was too happy to realize what that meant. All that Joker had had him do was some hacking for a future joke.

Toji in the other hand, had a different reason for going along with the clown pilot

 _ **Three days after the 1**_ _ **st**_ _ **angel…**_

 _Toji made his way to Sakura's wing at the children's hospital, looking forward to visiting his sister, especially when he heard laighter coming from the wing._

 _He froze in shock at what he saw:_

 _The new kid, the freak in clown get-up, was blowing up ballon animals and swords for the kids while also performing magic tricks._

 _The Joker then noticed the jock who'd been glaring at him all morning ebfoe he jetted from school_

" _Well kiddies, uncle J has to go…"_

 _The children frowned_

" _But I'll be back next week!" He promised confidentially, cheering the children up. He made his way to Sakura and handed her a ballon flower. "You rest up now, little blossom."_

" _Arigato, uncle J." The little girl smiled._

 _The clown was smiling happily at Sakura, who was hugging him. He patted her head and tucked her back in before making his way out._

" _I think she likes me." Joker smirked evilly to Toji as he passed by. "Would be a shame if I had to tell her brother beat me up. And I don't think your dad would like that, too right? SO here's how it's going to work Toaster….You owe me a favor. Don't know when, where or what….but someday, I'll come to collect."_

 _ **Present**_

Ever since that day, the jock had been very careful the clown pilot, who was now convulsing with rage at all the nobodies flirting with Asuka, who was playing them along….

Wait. Why did he care?

He decided to go to the infirmary to take a nap.

He suddenly screamed in fear and shock, looking around to make sure he was still in the same place.

He'd been dreaming of being Shinji again….kissing Asuka and…..

"CURSE THESE COMPLICATED FEELINGS!" Joker snapped as he clamped a pillow over his ears. "They're warm and fuzzy."

XXX

After school, Joker stared at the ceiling, bored out of his gourd while at the same time worried about the almost lapses he'd been going through lately,

"You know what'd be real funny?" He said aloud.

"What?" Rei asked as she fed Harley and Quinn.

"If I just…cut off my face."

….

…

"Wait. On second thought, that's stupid. Never mind that one."

"Hadn't planned on." Rei said.

He then sat up from his bed, just missing the knocking on the door.

"I need a good gag. Something…edgy but classic."

"Perhaps something with a crowbar?" Rei suggested offhanded as she went to the door, leaving Harley and Quinn to enjoy their foods.

"Ah crowbar." Joker smiled, remembering one of his favorite toys. He instantly stretched his arms out and started tracing the figure that came to his mind. "How you tempt me so, you naughty girl…"

He then realized something:

His hands weren't caressing the shape of crowbar.

No, they were caressing the hourglass figure of the pilot of Unit 02 while imagining her hair flowing down and that brilliant smile….

"PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER, MAN!"

The hyenas cringed under Joker's shout, spitting out some of their food and whimpering as he began to rant. When they heard Rei conversing with someone they quietly left the room.

"She laughed at you!" He reminded himself. "And not in the good way either! Right in your face no less! She thinks she's so high and mighty, but she's not! She's just a Brainiac with a busty bod…And long red hair…perfect legs…and a smile like mommy…"

He grabbed his hammer and smacked himself.

"NO! She's not worth it! No good cock-tease that's one day away from being like m..!"

He realized it.

"Oh….."

He smacked himself again.

"NO! NO! NO! You're not being the punch-line ever again, Shinji!"

He smacked himself again.

"I'm not Shinji! Not Shinji! She'd never look at Shinji! She looks at me!"

He almost smacked himself again, but threw the hammer away.

"Useless sedative! Why? Why now? Why her? What does she know about comedy? Nothing, that's what! And she like scruffy older men! What kind of girl is into that? He looks funny! Talks funny! Honestly I don't know what she and Misato see in…!"

"Ahem."

Joker turned in annoyance to see Rei pulling Ritsuko into the room, the good doctor's arm bleeding along with Harley and Quinn's fangs.

"…Him." Joker finished with a smile. "Oh Rei, you darling girl! Just what I need!"

He took his sister into a hug

"You may even deserve me."

Rei simply shrugged

"Eh…" Joker said. "What's up, doc?"

"How did you know about the clones?" Ritsuko snapped.

"The what?" Joker asked, before Rei whispered the answer into his ear. For a good minute, the clown pilot visibly tried to hold back his laugh before it broke free.

"A HA HA HA HA HA! A HA HA, HOO HOO, HEEEE!" Joker laughed manically. "That…that's is brilliant!"

He took Rei into another hug before realizing who was there.

"Hey, you're a doc Ritz, you know things right?" Leaving her no time to answer, he countinuned. "Well, get some bandages on those bitemarks, pull up a chair and listen to me! You know you want to."

He bounded over to his spot again while Rei bandaged NERV's top scientist.

"Let me put this to you in a way you are certain to understand, Dr. Akagi." Rei said. "Give Joker legitimately good advice or I'll do to you what your mother did to me and feed your corpse to Harley and Quinn…You know what? On second thought, give him bad advice. I'd love that."

The doctor cringed under the threat and sat down on the nearest chair

XXX

"I had a fairly standard childhood after ma died." Joker started in a calm voice. "My uncle and aunt were an older couple who made money off the government by acting as foster parents. My uncle was apathetic from day one, auntie at least tried every now and then. They would go out, feign work; the sort of adopted parents most are actually okay with as long as they acknowledge your existence. They would accuse me of being lazy without bothering to look in on or talk to me. Whenever I was, in their eyes, insolent I'd be tossed into a sack and thrown into the nearest lake. Making it out of the sack was easy. The hard part was getting to land with no swimming lessons. I still can't swim to this day."

Ritsuko was shocked by what she was hearing: While Gendo didn't keep in contact with his relatives, she assumed that at the very worst they would've been indifferent towards Shinji

"There was only one time I saw auntie and uncle real happy; they took me to the kabuki show when I was seven." Joker smiled sweetly. "Something about one of the clowns made their faces light up in a way that I'd never seen before. I thought they were about to explode, but at the same time, I wanted that to stay. So the second we got home, I dashed to auntie's make-up kit, slapped together a costume and gave the performance of a lifetime in my little mind."

He got up and started making kabuki poses, making the two other occupants in the room smile…until he finished his story.

"And then uncle threw me into the nearest puddle and threatened to spay me if ever did that again. Auntie just lectured me on doing something like that without permission."

"But hey, that's life right?" Joker mused. "You take shots from folks who just don't get the joke."

"And what joke is that?" Ritsuko asked.

Joker's smile unnerved her

"That…is a secret." He mused. "I can share but…you have to tell me something about yourself."

Ritsuko, deciding to try her luck and maybe get something for Gendo, played her card.

"I love your father." She said bluntly. "He loves me in spite of his supposed loyalty to your mother. Isn't that the big joke you were talking about? The irony of life?"

….

Joker giggled.

"That….thing," He stated. "Is a cold hearted block of ice who only ever loved two things in his life; himself and mom. And he'd never touch a skank like you unless there was something for him to get out it beyond a romp."

"It's true." Rei noted.

Ritsuko tried to hold her composure

"You're just children, you wouldn't understand."

"Who know more about life and death than you ever will." Rei added. "The commander doesn't care for you, Dr. Akagi. He's made that clear whenever you're not around."

Those words made Rtsuko become desperate, and she opened her mouth to say something before:

"Has he ever said 'I love you?" Rei asked, silencing the doctor's rant before it even began. "The commander just used you as a means to an end, doctor. The second the scenario came to fruition, what did you think he would do? Ask Yui to let you stay as a concubine? I may not have met the commander's wife personally, but I highly doubt that would've happened."

The thought had never occurred to Ritsuko before then.

"I'll say the worlds that took my first life." Rei promised. "Back then, as a child, I did not understand their meaning or why I was killed for them. Know I do."

She cleared her throat.

"You're an old hag. Just like your whore of a mother."

Joker laughed a fake and obviously angry laugh.

"Well, that's anti-climactic. Behind the blonde hair, bikini suit and genius you're just a sad little girl crying 'mommy, please love me!' It'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic."

He then noticed something: Rei was smiling; joyfully, viciously and sadistically.

"Oh what the hell? I'll laugh anyway." Joker smirked. "HA HA HA HA HA!"

"HA HA HA HA!" Rei joined in, Harley and Quinn doing the same.

Joker then checked a pocket watch and his eyes buldged.

"Rei, I just remembered I have a previous engagement." Joker smiled. "Be a dear and escourt the good doctor out once you're done?"

"Hai." Rei nodded, motioning Joker to leave.

Ritsuko just sat there for a few minutes before she realized Rei was soon upon her. The doctor tried to leap away, but Harley and Quinn jumped on her and showed her their fangs.

"Bring her to the kitchen." Rei ordered the hyenas, who followed her. The blue haired girl took out several knives before finding what she was looking for…a rubber chicken and made her way over to the now cowering scientist.

"You misunderstand." Rei said. "I am not going to kill you, Dr. Akagi. I am just going to hurt you."

She smiled evilly as she pulled out some pliers.

"Really, really, REALLY hurt you."

XXX

Asuka made her way around the abandoned amusement aprk shed been messaged to come to. A surprised had been promised.

"Why do I get the feeling baka-Shinji has something to do with this?" She asked herself aloud.

"So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you."

Asuka looked around for her insane co-pilot, not finding him anywhere.

"I'm glad. I really want you to be here. You would understand more than anyone, my red headed geliebte….All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest of people alive to lunacy."

Asuka got worried.

"You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are?"

Memories of that horrid day filled Asuka's memory: the day mama hung herself and a doll she thought was her….Papa not giving a damn. That whore coming to replace mama despite not loving her.

A gloved hand touched Asuka's shoulder and she tried to punch he attacker, only for her punch to be grabbed.

"Something like that happened to me, you know." Joker admitted.

That got Asuka's attention. Insanity aside, she'd assumed that Joker was lucky in terms of killing Angels. Yeah, he'd offered to tell what happened to make him pale, but something told her whatever he'd planned on saying wasn't 100% truth.

But from what she'd gotten from Rei; Shinji or Joker, or whatever you called him, did indeed have legitamte reasons for how he acted.

"And I'm not just taking about what led my current complexion, if you know what I mean!" Joker smirked, a notable weak laugh following.

"I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... But then again, if I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Make it more interesting, you know what I'm saying? Ha ha ha!"

"Or pathetic." Asuka groaned. "What did you want clown, I have a million things I'd rather be doing than hanging around this müllhalde."

"My point is..." Joker cut in, getting the red-head's attention. "My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it!"

His tone, eyes and voice softened as he looked at her, not unlike a kicked puppy. A twinge of pity filled Asuka.

"So, why can't you?"

"I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to world war three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last world war? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA!"

Asuka had to laugh a little at that one, finding it kind of funny….in a very warped way, she assured herself.

"It's all a joke!" Joker concluded. "Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag!"

He let out a couple of breathes and sniffled.

"So why can't you see the funny side?"

His mood tuned darker, and Asuka began to back away ever so slightly on instinct. Joker's eyes met her and she began to fear for herself.

"Why aren't you laughing?"

"WHY?" He shouted as he pulled out his gun and started firing wildly. "AREN'T! YOU? LAUGHING?!"

Once the ammo was spent, he then tossed the gun away and panted for a few minutes before he noticed Asuka about to flee. He quickly blocked her way and dragged her back.

"And then it occurred to me." He said as he walked to a nearby crate and picked up a crowbar. "I know the cause of my realization and I know I'll deal with it later…but you…you…you don't know how to deal with it. So! I took it upon myself…or rather, Kensuke, to do some digging. And look who we have as guests as honour!"

It was papa. And mama's replacement.

"It's your choice." Joker mused, pointing to a small table that held a gun, a knife, a coin and an umbrella. "These two are respoinsble for that bad day, right? Well…what do you want to do about it?"

"I…I can't!" Asuka pointed out. "I hate that woman! And papa…Papa…"

"That's what the joke wants you to think." Joker cooed, picking up the coin. "How about a little…chaos? It's always fair, unlike the joke."

Asuka took the coin and examined it.

"You're the great Asuka Langely Soryu." Joker smiled, patting her on the shoulder. "This'll be a piece of cake for ya; it took my current look for me to realize it."

Her confidence restored, Asuka pointed to her two gifts.

"Take off their blindfolds, bitte." She asked. "I want them to see this."

"As you wish." Joker bowed and did as he was asked.

The two adults froze at the sight of the red-head, now with a gun in her hand. She held the coin up for them to see.

"You live." She said to heads, the flipped it to tails. "You die."

The two aduts started begging under their gags, only for Joker to slam the crowbar into Asuka's father's face

"Should've thought about that before you replaced her mom." He smirked. "I mean, seriously; did all the female workers have shitty husbands on EVA? Was it part of the worker's agreement?"

Asuka giggled at that before she saw the coin had landed.

She frowned, and Joker dashed over to see why; it was heads.

She then flipped it over and smiled. Joker smiled and walked away to let her do as she pleased.

XXX

Asuka joined Joker on the Ferris wheel and overlooked Tokyo-3.

"I almost didn't go through it." Asuka confessed. "I remembered the good times…when mama was around."

"I do that too, sometimes." Joker, noticeably more subdued, followed.

"Remembering's dangerous. I find the past such a worrying, anxious place." Asuka noted. "The Past Tense, I suppose you'd call it. Memory's so treacherous. One moment you're lost in a carnival of delights, with poignant childhood aromas, the flashing neon of puberty, all that sentimental candy-floss…"

"The next thing you know, it leads you somewhere you don't want to go." Joker, his voice growing softer as memories of his pre-joke life filled him. "Somewhere dark and cold, filled with the damp ambiguous shapes of things you'd hoped were forgotten."

The horrific last images of their mothers filled the pilots' heads.

"Memories can be vile, repulsive little brutes." Joker mused, Asuka nodding.

"Like children I suppose." She said.

Joker looked up at her in complete and utter shock. Then a smile crossed his face.

"But can we live without them? Memories are what our reason is based upon. If we can't face them, we deny reason itself!" The red head asked.

"Why not?" Joker asked. "We aren't contractually tied down to rationality! There is no sanity clause!"

That was true, Asuka mused.

"So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there's always madness. The emergency exit… you can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away… forever."

The two pilots looked at each other, Asuka's smile growing gentle

"What?" The boy asked. "Something on my face?"

"You have beautiful eyes." Asuka smiled, "Shinji."

For once, there was no hate for that name in the boy's mind.

"And you are sublime, gelibete." He noted.

They leant forward, closed their eyes…

And their lips met.

XXX

The next day, Jok…

No, not Joker at this moment.

Shinji.

Yeah….that'd work.

Shinji woke up and smiled

Asuka Langely Soryu, sleeping like a baby with a smile on her face, and nuzzling to his chest.

"Heh heh."

Now he had an actually funny joke:

A beautiful, intelligent, take no shit kind of girl like her. Someone who even at a mere 14 years old was beautiful enough to have a career in modelling, but was instead a college graduate and Colonel in the army.

She was with him.

HIM!

Of all people!

And by choice, no less!

Okay, so maybe the whole catharsis revenge-offer on her dad and step-mom that he arranged may…

DON'T EXPLAIN THE JOKE!

"Good morning, fraulien gelibete." Shinji smiled

"Morning, baka Shinji." Asuka smiled back before realizing where they where. "Did we seriously sleep in an abandoned amusement park?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Shinji smiled, making Asuka shake her head

"You're such a baka."

"Yeah, but…"

"Don't say it." She cut him off.

Shinji pouted before he tensed

"What?" Asuka asked, growing a little uncomfortable when she saw the familiar grin appear on Shinji's face.

"You may want to head on back." He said. "Don't worry, I'll be right there."

Asuka did as was suggested, a worried look on her face. It promptly vanished. Her boyfriend could handle himself. He was a EVA pilot who got the world!

"Shinji…" Masataka started, Max right behind him.

The boy turned, his bloodthirsty grin on him.

"Oh crap." Max sighed. She knew what this meant.

Shinji was out. Joker was in.

"GRAMPS!" Joker beamed. "You wouldn't believe the months I've been having!"

 **To be continued…**

 **Read and review, would ye kindly?**

 **Next chapter will borrow from the Dark Knight Returns (Frank Miller), but feel free to offer suggestions.**


	3. You (Must) Act the Part

**Chapter 3: You (Must) Act the part**

Masataka Ikari loved his daughter.

After the tragic death of his wife in an accident he was sure SEELE had some part in, Masataka had devoted himself to making sure his precious Yui had a good life. Despite his GEHIRN duties keeping him busy, he was relatively successful; he never missed a birthday, always attended her ceremonies and treated her to her favorite dinners while encouraging her to continue working hard, maintained some knowledge of her interests at all times and most of all, told her he loved her every time they saw each other.

Some might call that coddling, but Yui adored him for it.

And if she was inclination, he'd made a damn fine single parent with how she'd loved and cared for his grandson, her choice in husband aside.

He only met Shinji once before…the change: he'd been about three years old, playing with paper and trying to make origami animals. A very quiet little boy, and shy too; he'd run to hide behind his mommy when Masataka had crouched down to say hello to him.

Yui had joked that most grandpas weren't 6-8 and broad-shouldered like he was, which Max had laughed at. The older man had sighed and felt some comedic sadness in the fact his grandson was scared of him….to say nothing of Gendo's slight smirk at the sight, the little punk.

In contrast, whenever Yui was present or addressing him, Shinji's eyes glowed with happiness and love. He'd happily dash over to her, hug and kiss her while babbling happily…and Yui would return all of that affection with interest.

By the time their visit had ended, Masataka felt a tug on his pants; Shinji handed him an origami dragon. A little crude, but it was still a cute and well loved gift that he kept near his person all these years.

And now here they were; in an abandoned amusement park he was sure he might've taken Yui to once, about to have another confrontation with the grandson he barely knew.

"Gramps!" Joker beamed. "You wouldn't believe the months I've had: The bastard king finally calls me up….to pilot the mecha that swallowed mom, ironically…and low and behold, I have a job killing monsters and being surrounded by babes out of a wet dream. Next thing I know, they kick me, Harley and Quinn out for 'being crazy', which is JUST uncle, auntie and cous all over again!"

Max sighed at the mention of Shinji's guardians, as did Masataka. The less tought of them the better.

"And then they call me back to sabotage another robot! Though that wasn't too bad….kind of fun, actually. Do you know I have a sister?"

"….What."

"Yeah, I really do! Well, technically she's a clone of mommy, but.."

CRACK!

"Masataka-sensei!" Max rushed over to see him bleeding from his bands, where the remains of a crush cane were now imbued into.

"It's fine. Countinue, Joker."

A blush suddenly filled the boy's face and he clasped his hands as a legitimately goofy smile crossed his face.

This instantly put the two adults on their edge.

"Well here's the biggest news gramps: Drum roll please!"

….

….

"Come on, is too much to ask for a drumroll?" Joker huffed.

Drums started rolling from a seemingly broken robot.

"Thank you. Grandpa…I'm in love."

The drum roll continued after the reveal, but Masataka and Max were frozen in mixed emotions: Shock that anyone would catch the mad-boy's attention for anything beyond one of his jokes

"Well, her name is Asuka, she's a Sagittarius, red haired, a genius in…Look; you can stop the drum roll now!"

The robot's arm promptly fell off and the drum roll stopped.

"Thank you. Anyways, Asuka's a genius, graduated from the army and is a Lutienant, and she makes me feel normal and not angry about it. Speaking of which, Maxy isn't reaching to shoot me." Joker noted. "I guess you're out of darts?"

Max sighed.

"We all know you're immune to most tranquilizers."

"I built up an immunity!" Joker beamed, bragging obvious in his voice. "But good old Joker venom gas production does help.

"So!" what brings you here?"

Masataka, his bleeding hand now wrapped in a makeshift bandage, stepped forward.

"Shin…Joker."

"Finally!" The clownish boy smiled, waving his hands in the air. "Praise the non-existent lord, he finally gets it!"

"I want to talk."

"You already are."

The good doctor finally lost his patience with his grandson.

"Don't you understand, Shinji?!"

Joker sighed

"Knew it couldn't last." He smirked.

"I don't…! I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're both running out of alternatives... and we both know it. I wasn't there for you, I don't deny it. But I'm trying to make it up to you and….and….And I don't have much longer."

That got Joker's attention.

"Max." The doctor commanded. "Show him."

The young woman anxiously sorted through her bag and threw a folder at her sensei's grandson. The clownish boy picked up the folder to the sight if a brain-scan with marks that even he knew didn't belong.

"At the best, Masataka-sensei has a year or two left." Max confessed, holding back her tears.

The trio stood in silence for a while longer.

"Maybe it all hinges on this moment." Masataka mused. "Maybe this is our last chance to sort this bloody mess out. If you don't take it, then we're both locked onto a suicide course. Both of us. To the death. It doesn't have to end like that. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I've been there too. Maybe I can help. We could work together. I know a few truly good people who could rehabilitate you. You needn't be out there on the edge anymore. You needn't be alone. What do you say?"

They stop in silence for a good few minutes.

"Please Shinji…I'm begging you!"

….

"So…you're apologizing." Joker asked, completely serious.

"Yes." Masataka sighed.

"Okay." Joker mused. "I don't forgive you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to make sure Rei didn't kill NERV's top scientist."

"Shinji, wait…" Max started.

"No. He and Gendo don't get closure, Maxy. They, and you by association, have to live with the shitty thing they did for the rest of your life. Gramps, you have to know that it's never, ever going to be okay! But on the bright side, I don't hate you nearly as much as my…."

He paused and bit his lip to say the next word.

"Father."

Oh his non-existent god, that felt horrible.

"Shinji, please!" Masataka begged. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when it happened!"

"I don't care about whatever happened!" Joker snapped. "I did fine; I'm having a good life. I'm happy with who I am. But back then…back then, what I needed then was family who loved me. And you abandoned me. And I will never forgive you for that."

He then pulled out a pistol and placed it on the old man's temple.

"Now get the * #^ out of my way."

"I know that I…"Masataka started, only to be cut off by.

"Three thousand, five hundred and forty nine." A softer, broken voice said.

"…what?"

"The number of days since the bastard whose sperm was donated to bring me to this snooze-fest of existence sent me off to live with unc. Also the number of days anyone from the family bothered to so much as acknowledge that I even existed."

"It was SEELE!"

"Max, no!" Masataka started

"No sensei, I will not stand by and let them destroy you anymore!" She then marched right up to the clownish boy. "Shinji, there's a secret group out their that bought outb your grandfathers company and used their influence to keep him from you. I'll probably die saying this, but to see Masataka-sensei happy would be worth…"

"…Oh, you mean the old guys Gendo was working for?"

"Yes I….wait. Worked? As in…past tense?" Max realized.

"I killed them all on my first night in Tokyo-3." Joker beamed with pride. "They were at a meeting with Gendo, started talking like they were critics…so I offed em with machine gun."

The two adults' jaws dropped.

"So…they were the reason mom's stuck in that robot wannabe?" The boy asked

"…Yes, most likely, though I doubt it would be that simple." Mastaka said.

The boy put his gun away, walked up to the massive gentleman and outstretched his hand..taking off the glove to make sure he had nothing on it.

"Well then, Jiji…" He smiled. "We got ourselves an agreement: I take care of the angels and try your therapy. But! Don't go round expecting a miracle."

Masataka smiled and stretched out his own hand

"That's all I ask…Shinji."

The clownish boy soon found himself in a tight embrace. He instantly tried to break out, but soon the dreaded feelings shifted; he felt….warm. Like with Asuka. Except not of course, that'd be creep…

Joker/Shinji smiled warmly into the embrace, not realizing a tear was streaking down his face.

XXX

Asuka sighed in content as she marched back into Misato's apartment. On her way out, she'd found a white rose and small bit of paint with her name on it. When she'd smelt the rose, it was real, which made her question the paint. She then flipped over her name as saw tiny picture of Alice in Wonderland's famous painting the roses.

She had laughed lighty. Just not the same without Shinji himself.

The Great Asuka Langely Soryu was on cloud nine: Papa and the skank had gotten their just desserts

"Misato, I'm home!" She announced as she opened the door, only to be greeted to the sight of her guardian and former crush mid lip-lock with their clothes dishelveled.

"Oh, hi Kaji! Finally back with her, eh? Good for you, the unresolved sexual tension was killing the atmosphere."

"Hey!" Misato started defensively, only to realize what was going on.

…..

…

"…You're not upset with this?" Kaji asked

"Why would I be?" Asuka said, returning her attention back to the rose and sighing contently. "Shinji…"

She then marched back into her room and started laughing when she remembered the pain induced last words of her father; 'please sir…I want some more!'

"Ha ha ha ha!" She laughed manically, wiping a tear from her eye, "T-t-that was a pretty good one!"

The two adults, still straddling each other, just stood there in shock

"I feel so used…" Kaji whimpered.

"Well now you know how I felt, you prick!" Misato, smacking her former/ current/ on-off lover across the face. "Did I mean that little to you?

"Misa-chan…" Kaji smiled

"WHAT?"

"You're sexy when you're mad, I ever tell you that?" Kaji asked, delighting at the sight of the love of his life blushing up a storm and pouting away before steeling her face in an annoyed look

"Shut up and kiss me, stupid Kaji."

And that's what he did.

"Oh, by the way, Kaji!" Asuka shouted from her room. "I just remembered: Shinji wanted to talk to you; something about dead old seals and a block of Adam, whatever that means."

XXX

"Rei, I'm back and…GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!"

Joker returned to the room he shared with his sister to find it a complete and utter mess: ripped cloth, the computer with a video on loop, sprawls of make-up and what he assumed to be ketchup on the walls, various gadgets broken and covered in something…

"And now, Dr. Akagi." Rei's monotone voice brought the Joker back to reality. "The finale."

The bound and gagged scientist, giggling and crying at the same time as Rei brought out the rubber chicken she'd spied earlier and a toilet plunger

After the emotional rollercoaster that had been the last few hours, this was not something Joker was completely welcomed to find greeting him at home, alotugh it did give him the chance to ask the good doctor

"Remember Dr. Akagi… There may be some momentary discomfort." Rei said as she prepared to do whatever she had planned, only for a gloved hand to stop her.

"Rei!"

"Welcome back, Joker." She said as warmly as she could, Harley and Quinn racing to their daddy and licking his face clean.

"That'll be all for now." Joker smiled, taking away his sister's toys after happily taking the hyena's licks and wiping his face from their spit and drool.

"I'm not done yet." Rei pouted cutely.

"I was gone for a night and half a day, what the heck were you doing?!" Joker asked.

"Venting long repressed frustrations." Rei admitted plainly, a smile crossing her face. "Many, MANY….frustrations.

"And the Youtube video?" Joker asked.

"I wanted to show you what Dr. Akagi came over for." Rei explained. "While you laughed at the clones, you did not permit me or even her the chance to show you my work."

After watching the video of clones of his sister dressed in clothes from all over the world and singing 'It's a Small world after all', Joker turned, tears of joy streaming down his face.

"I….am….SO PROUD OF YOU!"

He took Rei into a hug and pecked her on the cheek before turning his attention to Ritsuko.

"Have you learnt your lesson, Blondie?" Joker asked

Ritsuko feverishly nodded, relishing and gasping for air as her gag was removed.

"You still smart?" Joker asked.

Ritsuko, still too shocked to say anything, nodded feverishly.

"Good, cause before we let you go, I got one last question for you."

Joker made his way to the freezer and pulled out something in a block that instantly made Ritsuko's eyes widen in shock.

"So I was on a boat, saw a guy I didn't like, went to his room, found this, and learnt he was going to give it to Gendo…What is it and what I can do with it?"

XXX

The next day at school, Asuka happily hopped along the halls, ignoring all the hoots and hollers sent her way: The image of a gently smiling, chalk skinned and red lipped boy with beautiful eyes always on her mind.

"You're in a good mood." Hikari, the one person Asuka could safely say she liked, noted as they sat down for lunch.

"Baka-Shinji made the best move ever." Asuka smiled, pulling out a bento Rei had handed her in the morning; something that her boyfriend and Rei's….mentor? Friend...whatever, had made for them.

Hikari was understandably surprised at her friend having no problem being with the apparently psychotic boy, but a smile still crossed her face

"Oh really?" She smiled. "What'd he do?"

"Oh you know…" Asuka smiled knowingly. "He took every single one of my problems and made them disappear, we had a philosophical discussion about comedy and life, he's surprisingly deep minded, by the way….and he showed me the city from the top of a Ferris wheel."

Hikari had to admit…that was pretty sweet.

"So, you cracked his crazy core?" She teased

"Nein." Asuka shrugged. "Like I said, he got rid of all my problems in his own way…and to be honest, there something kind of…fun and sweet about his madness. He swoons over me like no tomorrow and treats me just as I always dreamt of being."

"It is his apparent madness that draws people to him." Rei butted in. "Myself, Kensuke….While he is indeed, as the saying goes; nutty as a fruit-cake, there is some profund wisdom within Joker's…"

"Shinji's." Asuka corrected.

"….words."

Lunch was silent for a while at the two girls, radically different yet at the same time very alike, began to stare at each other.

"Hey, where is the clown, anyways?" Toji suddenly asked, both trying to change the topic and allivate his fears around the boy.

"He's entertaining the kids at the Hospital all morning." Kensuke added

"And then he has a triple Eva sync test starting at lunch." Rei finished with a sigh. "It is unlikely he shall be in class for the rest of the day."

Toji let out a sigh of relief and went back to enjoying lunch, before remembering Sakura was still in the hospital and then remembering the clown was geninunelly fond of her and wouldn't hurt her as long as Toji stayed in line and did a favor that had yet to be called in for.

Eventually, bentos were finsiehd and put away. Asuka made her way

"…Thanks." Asuka forced. "In case I don't see him, tell baka-Shinji…"

"Joker."

"…that it was delish and he now has the great honour of cooking my lunches every day."

"…I still don't like you." Rei said plainly. "And if you ever hurt him…I will kill you."

"You're welcome to try Wondergirl." Asuka smirked

XXX

Meanwhile, Joker sat in Unit 01, conversing with the soul of his mother, thankfully the first of the tri-synchro test.

His grandfather's condition was the main concern of their talk.

"I mean, it's only been a year I know, but still, it's been one of the few constants in my life, mom!" He explained to his mother. "There's a certain….rhythm to this whole thing! I cause trouble, gramps shows up. He either stops or covers up whatever I did, we play a round or two of tag with Max, maybe chat a bit while I have a dart our two in me and the game starts all over again! Who's going to come after me if he's not around? Max? I don't think so: like her and all…."

"Is she married yet?" Yui cut in.

"…Nah, don't think so." Joker answered after a moment. "Always thought she and Gramps had some sort of Dr. Who and companion thing going on."

"…ew, gross." Yui cringed playfully.

"I know right?" Joker smiled. "Never found anything to prove it though. Anyways, I like her and all, she kept gramps happy and after me and I know she won't stop until I'm back to normal, whatever that is…but it….just wouldn't be the same, you know? Me and gramps going at it with yelling and the punchin and the let me save you from yourself…that was the closest thing I had to bonding time with any family until I came here."

"I see, Shinji." Yui answered, hugging her son. Much like Asuka, she was the only person who got to call him by his old name without consequence.

Speaking of whicj

"So…you and Kyoko's daughter?"

"…Wait, you knw Asuka's mom?" Joker asked.

"Only by reputation." Yui said. "You'll have to talk to her next

The clown boy's form filled with fear and realization.

"His sync ratio dropped by 50%...wait, no its back." Maya and Shigeru noted in the real world

"I think he's been in there enough." Misato mused, signalling the end of the sync test.

"Well Shinji, looks like this is goodbye for now…" Yui said sadly.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Joker teared. "Mommy, I don't want you to go! I'm about to face the parent of the love of my life, I don't know what to do about grandpa and all my ideas…"

Yui hugged her son and place a gentle kiss on his forehead. Just as she vanished and he returned to the world, she smiled once again and simply said

"I love you, Shinji. You just do what you think is best."

Quickly rubbing the tears from his eyes, Joker made his way over to Unit 02, which proved…interesting to say the least:

"Safe to say Red gets her looks and brains from you." He started at first.

Kyoko just stared at him.

"Look, I know I'm probably not your first choice for Asuka, but…"

"Did you make it painful for my idiot of a husband?"

Joker stopped.

"I had him and the skank transported in a create, if that means anything?"

The blonde woman growled

"How bad were they to her?"

"I don't inquire." Joker admitted. "When Asuka's ready, I'll be all ears. Until then, I'll let her be unless it's hurting her."

Kyoko smiled at the boy her daughter had grown to love.

"Can you at least give her the idea to open up her mind so I can talk to her myself?"

Joker saluted her.

"May take a while, you know that right? Asuka's not the easiest gal to motivate when she's stubborn…"

"I can wait."

Unit 00 was a complete disaster.

"There's a word for people like you, lady." He'd told the late Naoko Akagi after spending two minutes with her. "Here's your hint; five letters, starts with B….and rhymes with 'Eotch.'"

He'd then ended the link, giving the impression he wasn't compatible with Unit 00. However, everyone noticed it didn't rampage…for good reason:

Inside the unit, Naoko's soul was frozen in shock, realization and fear at what she'd seen Yui's son's mind.

"…I wasted my life."

XXXX

A few hours later, Joker returned to his apartment exhausted and barely giving his pets attention. He plopped onto the comfy chair and flipped on the TV

"And coming to you live, Tokyo-3 today!" A cheerful voice beamed.

"…Ah, why not?" He mused, patting Harley as she handed him a soda and Quinn gave him a box of pizza. Grabbing a cold slice of pepperoni he got ready.

The host was a fellow in his early thirties, broad shouldered and chiselled face and a smile that made Joker cringe,

"And today, we have very special guests and a very special topic: The attacks on our city and the machines that battle them: The Evagelions themselves!"

An applause filled the room.

"Wait, what?" Joker asked, spitting out his drink. This couldn't be real! No way would Gendo allow…

Oh wait! Wasn't he in Antarctica or something? This must've been the old man's idea to give NERV a better image.

"We even have two of the three pilots joining us!"

"Why wasn't I invited?" Joker asked, hurt in his voice, Harley and Quinn shrugging.

"And here they are!"

Asuka and Rei walked onto the stage getting applause and a few hoots and hollers….and the host was clearly looking at certain parts of them.

Joekr growled in his spot, which increaded when he took their hands and kissed when they clearly expected a handshake.

He touched her.

And made it clear he liked her in a romantic way.

Her.

Asuka.

HIS Asuka.

Fury filled the clown-boy, and with a dramatic step that made the hyenas whimper, he marched/ trudged over to the phone and dialed the first number that came to his mind:

"Misato?"

"Oh hey, Shinji! What's up?" She cheerfully replied, fresh off another steaming session of make-up angry sex with Kaji

"… Ordinarily, I'd correct you in Rei's place, but I need a lift to the studio she and Asuka are at ASAP and quite frankly, you're the only one in NERV that I both like and know has a valid license."

Once Misato agreed and made her way to pick him up, Joker grabbed a suitcase that had been in the back of the apartment since he arrived.

"No one pyshco-analyzes anybody when I'M around!" He grumbled, quickly returning to the phone to make one more call.

"Kenny my man!" He smiled. "That hacking I asked you to do? Yes, that's the one. Are finish…?"

BLEEP!

He briefly moved the phone from his ear to see he had a massive email with 3 attachments. Quickly scanning them, he smiled and retruned to the call

"Still there? Thanks. No, no Kenny, that'll be all for now. Yes, yes, I'll see you in class."

He then hung up and dashed out the door before pausing mid-step and dashing back in to throw a robber for Harley and Quinn to eat. The hyenas whined

"No babies, you stay here." Joker cooed, flipping the TV back on. "Watch daddy, mommy and auntie Rei from here."

XXX

"YEEHAW! FASTER!"

AS Misato drove as she usually did, she was happy to have someone who didn't badmouth her driving skills.

"HA! I think you hit a wheelcha…No wait, it was a cow! HA! That's even better!"

"Good to see your enjoying yourself, Shinji." Misato smiled

"It's Joker!" He said. "Come on, I even pointed out how rude it was to call me by that name on the boat!"

"No, you said, and I quote…" The clearing of a throat. "'Calling someone is not just unprofessional, but its plain rude.' End quote. You never said it was your name. And like I said, your registered as Shinji Ikari, that's what I'll call you until it changes."

Joker seemed shocked and looked over his shoulder. He reached over and saw words that he scanned.

"Huh….I didn't after all."

He then looked at something in front of him

"That's right reader….The fourth wall? It means nothing to me. Bye de bye for now, I got an audience yon educate."

"So…What you going to do?" Misato asked teasingly.

Joker's smile turned evil as he formed a period with his fingers.

"Show the world what happens when you mess with a clown's treasures."

Deep in Antarctica, Gendo suddenly felt a twinge of fatherly pride….which he promptly crushed and ignored at the memory that thanks to his son's corruption of Rei, Ritsuko could no longer stand the sight of him without shrieking and running in fear into the surprinsgly strong arms of Maya Ibuki.

Who was very happy about tat

XXX

Asuka and Rei could safely say this farce was not worth the good NERV image Fuyutsuki wanted: The host was clearly checking them out, and the psychologists acted like they were little kids. While they brought up decent, if half assed points….

Music suddenly burst through the room; Happy. The door then opened dramatically, revealing a purple, white, red and green figure that the two pilots were familiar with.

"Ah…" Joker beamed. "Nothing like a little happy tune to make yourself at home! Sorry I'm late ladies and gents…you know, I had the hardest time finding this place, you wouldn't believe how rude reception and security was to me."

"Shinji!" Asuka beamed as she leapt onto her boyfriend, smothering him in a kiss,

"AWOOOOOO!" Joker howled happily, taking the red-head into his arms and cradling her as he took her seat and patted Rei on the head.

"For those who don't know, I'm Joker." The boy smiled. "Designated pilot f Unit 01. The big purple one with the horn. As to why I wasn't invited….…It's because I'm white and have a dick, isn't it?"

"On top of that," The host said. "I'm told you've killed at least 100 people in two years….why should we listen to another madman?"

"Hören Sie hier, Sie egoistisch laut Mund!" Asuka erupted at the sleezy man's words against her beloved. Only she got to point out Shinji's flaws!

"Translation:" Rei said calmly, though inwardly she fumed as well. "Now listen here you egotistical hothead."

"That's right." One of the doctors said, taking Joker into a comforting embrace. "This is a sensitive boy with a lot on his plate. I for one, will not stand and let be belittled."

The clown boy looked at the man who dared to act like he knew him and smacked himself out of his touch.

"That's alright, its okay." Joker smiled, seemingly not bothered at all by the host's words as he reached for a mug. "Haters going to hate. I want people to get me."

He took a sip before his face turned serious.

"That's why I'm going to kill everyone in this room who doesn't have children to go home to."

The host and crowd bleached back at the boy's words.

"He doesn't really mean that." Both psychologists said.

"He enjoys the feeling of power but lacks the will to do it."

"I know several people who would beg to differ." Rei noted.

"You also have to remember that this boy went through a traumatic experience and was abandoned all his life. And now that he's in the spotlight he's become society's psychotic obsession."

"Become?" Joker asked. "I thought society was MY psychotic obsession. And how'd you know that?"

"Masataka Ikari, who has been pursuing you for some years…"

"You stole Grandpa's notes?" Joker asked, growling. His hate for this man increased.

"What is that you want, Joker?" the host said. "Aside from spending time with these two lovly ladies…"

Joekr held ASuka closer to him and wrapped his other arm around Rei.

"MINE. And as to what I want….well, world peace would be nice, and a hybrid in every driveway that didn't die when you need it most….end pestilence and crime…end pestilence…"

"You said that already."

"Did I? I'm sorry, memory loss…Can't even remember what made me like this. By the way, do guests get to keep these?" Joker interrupted, pointing to the mug

"Um…yeah sure." The host said. "You do whatever you want with it. We got closets full of…"

SMASH!

The throat of one of the psychologists was slashed by the mug, they other had his balls kicked in by Asuka and then had a blade hidden in Rei's skirt slit his throat.

"So long as you ain't going to miss it." Joker shrugged, Asuka giggling at that.

"You did imply that." Rei smirked.

"Ladies and gentlemen, look under your seats."

They all did, and some found gasmasks.

"For those who have gasmasks, you have a 14 year old hack to thank." Joker smiled, showing his cellphone. "He hacked into your receipts and emails…got me a list of those of you with kids and families. I am indeed a psycho, but I don't orphan kids. As for those of you without….well, not to worry."

He reached into his jacket and threw a can that erupted into smoke,

"This'll put a smile on your faces. TE HA HA HA HA HA!"

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Rei followed.

"HO HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Asuka joined in.

The host tried to crawl away, only to be greeted by the pants of the pilot who'd crashed the show, pointing a knife in his face.

"You know, I really wish I wasn't this petty, I truly do. But the thing is….I don't like people touching or gawking at my stuff."

The man let out a scream, and the screen then turned to static and bleeped.

XXX

"We interrupt your regularly scheduled programing to bring this important and brief announcement." Rei said as she suddenly appeared on screen before faded….

HA HA HA!

Stick figures danced along the screen, slamming pies in each other's faces and shocking each other with hand-shakes.

"Live...and in person!" Kensuke's voice hollered. "It's the Joker show! And now your host….The Caliph of Clowns, the Grand Mogul of Mountebanks! Humanity's savior and lover of the sexy, sexy lady in red…The One and Only JOKER!"

"Pre-recorded for this time-zone." Rei added before stepping back and revealing a revolving chair in front of a desk with a bowl full of candies and a can of pop, Harley and Quinn on opposite ends of the chair being petted.

"Good evening, ladies and gentle-men. I am tonight's entertainment. And tomorrow's. And next year's."

The two hyenas walked offscreen as one hand popped some candies in his mouth.

"My friends….dear people of Tokyo-3." A voice said. "It has often been stated by the newspapers, rumor-mills and bloggers on the internet that I like jokes. I wish to bash these rumors! I don't simply like jokes…."

The chair turned to reveal Joker, now dressed in a red suit with his hair gelled back. He popped some candies in his mouth and downed some pop before the camera zoomed into his face.

"I LOVE jokes. I love knock-knocks, I love the theories of the chicken and the road! My heart leaps for joy whenever someone applies wordplay and alliteration, my eyes tear happily at the pronunciation and reveal of acronyms. The old calculator pervert trick can always bring a smile to my face. And of course, there is nothing more arousing and satisfying than the smack of a pie to the face and good old fashioned slapstick."

He then stood up and jugged his pop like it was a fine wine in a glass.

"Throughout my 15 years of life, I have come across many different types of jokes that go beyond what most know. And you are all familiar with them yourselves."

"You get up in the morning, get into your crummy car, and see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche. The jokes of class and attainable equality. You make it to work or school, and you find out that the annual drug test is today. Problem? You just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with over bearing parents or a rough shift at work. The joke that of happiness without consequence. Then you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. The joke about everyone being equal regardless of where they come from. You post it online, but then all your friends start arguing about what's right. The joke of opinions being respected. You finally get home, and you decide to relax by watching TV, which makes you dumber in spite of claiming to make you smarter. The joker of intelligence and hypocrisy."

Downing his pop and then tossing it to the floor

What I am telling you, citzens of this apathetic city in a humorless world, is that you have nothing to fear. Starting tomorrow, the war with angels will become much more light on everybody's part. All I, not NERV, not your leaders, not those door to door salesman or church people, ask is that you spread the comedy around. I want a world of laughter. A world of happiness and giddiness. But not just any comedy. No knock knock jokes, no dumb blonde jokes, no AND CERTAINLY NO YOUR MAMA JOKES!"

He calmed down slightly and humped.

"My mommy was a saint."

He then cleared his thoughts again.

"What is it I want? An end to the facades, the begrudging smiles, the refusal to ask questions and flip the finger to the big men. People of Tokyo-3, no the world! The hero calls upon you to do your part in saving the world….the grand finale we all want deep down…. I! WANT! CHAOS! HE HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

The picture then returned to a horrifying sight, half of the audience had horrifying smiles on their faces, while the rest held gas-masks to their faces and clawed out at the doors, which opened and let them out running.

"One by One, they'll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall." Joker smiled as he poured Asuka and Rei a drink, which they took, clinked and drank together..

XXX

Later, Misato and Joker tried to fix her car, which suddenly stopped working on the way back home.

"Wondergirl, you were supposed to get gas for Misato!" Asuka snapped.

"We have no funds." Rei pointed out. "What was I supposed to do? Fill the tank and ride away?"

Joker nodded.

"…no one tells me anything." Rei pouted.


	4. You (Can) Just Dance

**You (Can) Just Dance**

A week or so after the disatersous Tokyo-3 Today fiasco, NERV was once again in trouble in terms of its image. And not just because of Joker's actions and speech on International television, as the episode had been a special broadcast.

It had all started with an Angel sighting.

Units 01 and 02 had been mobilized

"You see, clown boy? Clean and easy." Asuka bragged. "Just like a battle should be."

"Uh…."

The angel then became two. One purple, one red.

"OH THAT IS JUST BULLSHIT!" Misato roared in anger.

"HO HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY!" Misato shouted back. Joker just kept laughing, his Eva along with him.

Luckily for the Major, it didn't last long….as the angel(s) promptly attacked the shocked and laughing pilots.

"Of course you realize…." Joker growled, his Eva's head down in the dirt while its legs were upright. "This means war."

XXX

Suffice it to say, the briefing was not a pleasant.

As brief as the battle had been,

"What is your duty?"

"..To defeat the angels?" Asuka asked.

"Spread smiles and cheers?" Joker beamed.

In another universe, Fuyutsuki would've snapped at the two and reminded them that their duty was to WIN against the angels, with the subtle implication of looking like they were well trained when they did it.

But everyone has their bad days, and even Gendo there to amuse him at his reactions to Shinji's antics, Fuyutsuki found himself acting as

"Do you think this is funny, boy?" The old man snapped.

"Oh no, sir. No, no, no, no, no. Not at all….." Joker saluted before breaking into a smile. "I think it's hilarious."

"What would your mother think?"

He'd meant to whisper or just think those words. Unfortunaetly, he realized all to late he'd said them out lout.

BANG!

A bullet hole steamed just beside the Sub-Commander's cheek, which had been grazed.

All eyes turned to the clown boy, who pulled out a pistol with a barrel that was far too long and was glaring at the old man.

He growled at the older man, who he once thought of as being one of the few NERV members he could tolerate. This thought had died with those words.

"Listen and listen well. Because I will not repeat myself."

He growled. Like a lion in anger. He'd never done that before.

All of a sudden, everyone wanted the insane and unpredictable Joker back. That they could handle; in spite of his unpredictability, he was often pretty tame. A pissed off Joker, on the other hand?

All of NERV, and even Tokyo 3 agreed: They'd rather go through another Impact.

"Get it through your skulls, the lot of you!" Joker roared to all in the room, waving his gun around with a look of fury on his face. "I! Am! NOT! My mommy!"

He then marched out the room, slamming the door shut.

He then promptly opened it again.

"As much as I want to be! Minus the mammaries. I like my little me. And flat form. So….yeah. I'm done here."

He slammed the door shut.

He then promptly opened it again.

"Joker's leaving the Geofront, people!"

He slammed the door again.

He then promptly opened it again and walked over to where he'd been standing.

"Forgot to wash my hands!"

He went over to the conveniently placed sink and then walked out of the room, slamming the door shut.

He did not come back after that.

XXX

"…This is really the best option?" Misato asked a few minutes later.

"Apparently. The MAGI says so." Ritsuko sighed

"And you're sure…?"

"No, Shinji, or Joker, or whatever you want to call him, has played no role in this." Ritsuko sighed. "We checked 12 times to be sure. His friend Kenny did not hack again and do this at all."

Misato let out a sigh, a smile crossing her face. This could be fun; getting the two best pilots to work together in perfect synchronization would give her plenty of teasing material. And call her naïve, but she was certain Shinji's interactions with Asuka was bringing him out of his cracked, demented shell….

Not that she didn't want him to completely leave it, mind you.

There was a certain…cute charm to his madness.

Misato's smile turned from a teasing one to concerned and loving one as she focused her attention on her best friend.

"So….How're you holding up?"

The blonde turned to her old friend, a grateful look in her eyes. Rei's vengeful treatment of the doctor was a NERV secret that left many with mixed emotions. Ritsuko now appritaited the human aspect of the pilots and would cringe ever so slightly at the sight of the First Child

"The sessions help." She confessed.

"Which ones?" Misato teased. "The ones with the therapist, or Maya?"

"MAJOR!"

Said technical officer blushed and buried herself into her work as the two older women laughed and lightly hugged each other.

"On the plus side, this gives me the excuse to buy that game I always wanted…" Misato mused.

XXX

Evidently, the dance-off machine didn't go as well as Misato hoped:

The two pilots chosen for the operation, ironically the same who'd had their butts handed by the angel already, may have been romantically involved (depending on what one considers such), abut this didn't do much in the long run

"Well so much for sync!" Asuak huffed in anger while Joker/Shinji simply panted.

"I really gotta work on my cardio…" He gasped.

"You really do." Rei mused.

She, Hikari, Touji and Kensuke had come by to drop off Shinji and Asuka's homework, to be greeted to the sight of the two in odd outfits and sleeping in sync with deep bags under their eyes.

The plan was for them to reach 100% synchronization within a week. So they eat, dressed, bathed and even slept together. Luckily or unluckily, again depending on how one interprets the situation, Misato was there to make sure no one's wondering hands ventured too far.

"I can't be expected to sync with this loony, uncoordinated, pasty faced…!" Asuka ranted.

"...Hey…" Joker and Rei said together.

"…juvenile, idiotic…Arrrgh!"

"Asuka, this is the best way to defeat the angel." Musato managed, a sly smile crossing her face. "Am I to understand you're giving up?"

"But you don't have anyone else, do you?' Asuka smiled confidently.

Misato smiled knowingly, and Shinji picked up on this.

"Rei?"

"Yes, mam."

Rei got up, took Asuka's place

Confusion filled Asuka: How? What? Why?

SHE was Shinji's girlfriend! SHE was the genius pilot! How was Wonder-gIrl keeping in perfect sync with him? Only she should be able to do that!

Wait, wait. She reminded herself. She knew what to do.

Reaching into her pocket, she found the coin she'd used to help her…remove Papa and the skank.

She pulled out the coin; heads she'd be fine with this, tails she'd flip out.

"Asuka?" Hikari asked, going ignored by her friend, who flipped a coin.

The redhead carefully and worriedly lifted her hand and saw her choice….Tails.

And instantly, the waterworks started. She then stormed out, leaving the whole party confused.

"Asuk…BABY, WAIT!" Joker dashed after her, falling flat on his face as he chased after her. "Sweetie! Gelibete! My reason for feigning sanity!"

…..

….

…..

…..

"This is why I have no interest in a romantic relationship." Rei said simply. "Ever."

"Oh come on, Rei!" Misato smiled teasingly. "Give it a try sometime. All you got to do is find the right guy or gal and then you'll never look back! Just look at me and Kaji."

"I have. And then I look how you turned out when a bump arose."

…..

"I'm going to forget I heard that." Misato sighed, pulling out her phone and texting Kaji to pick her up.

"Give the poor man a break."

"You shut your mouth!"

She the received a text from Shinji/Joker:

 _Watch your seats._

XXX

The two lovers met up at a convenience store, with Asuka

"…It's not THAT big a deal, is it?" Joker asked. "I mean, me and Rei are long lost siblings, it makes sense I Guess…"

"You're being too simplistic!" She huffed. "And to think you're the man in my life!"

"…Ouch, baby." Joker pouted. "Very ouch."

That hurt almost as much as the pasty skin uip. She knew about the chemical bath!

Wait.

Did she know?

…

Wait, nope.

No.

No she didn't.

"I must avenge myself!" Asuka finished her tirade as she tore through a sandwich. "You and Wonder-girl may only care about spreading laughs, but I HAVE to kill the angels! It's my duty!"

And, while she won't admit it, all she has, her boyfriend mused, much to his irritation.

It was funny, in a way. And yet, it filled the clown prince of Tokyo-3 with anger. Asuka was beautiful, brilliant, badass in every manner of the word…and yet she had, aside from him and maybe Hikari, no one to….

He then remembered the promise he'd made to Kyoko.

"Asuka?"

"What?!" She snapped at him, finishing off her sandwich in anger.

"I may have an idea to help with our sync." Joker said. "You won't understand it right away."

XXX

They made their way to the EVAs, the tech bunnies scrambling to get ready after they each received a text from Joker.

"How is a sync test going to help?" Asuka asked aloud, Joker following her. He then moved in front of her, his eyes softening as if to know Shinji was now at the helm.

"What do you know of my first fight?"

"You killed the angel with no experience." Asuka admitted plainly, some pain still in her pride.

"Well, what the reports probably left out, and please let me finish before you react, was that I went into the red-zone and the EVA itself took over for what is considered me killing it. And…I saw someone who I never thought I'd see again."

"…Who?" Her interest was no peaked.

He opened his mouth, only to stop himself. She was contemplating this, if he said any more than nessacary, she'd refuse.

"That'd be telling." Her boyfriend said. "Just…go in there as deep as you can. But this time, open your mind 100% and let the flow guide you."

"But that'll…."

"Trust me." He said, taking her hands into his own and looking deep into her eyes.

Asuka let out a sigh

"I already do, baka Shinji."

The boy let out a smile.

Asuka then slipped into her Plug-suit and activated Unit 02 as usual. But this time, she truly opened up.

BEEP!

BEEP!

BEEEP!

Shigureu and Makokta began to sweat as Asuka's sync rate went deeper and deeper. They were just about to end the test and pull her out when…

"Leave her there."

The tech-bunnies turned to see Joker, an overly long, three barrelled pistol in his hands.

"Five minutes." He requested, "All she'll need."

The tech bunnies did as they were told, but only truly relaxed once the gun was holstered back

True to Joker's words, five minutes later, Asuka came back into 'the safe zone' and ended her connection with Unit 02. He holstered his gun and made his way back down, where she leapt into his arms, tears down her face.

"You knew, didn't you?" She whispered, her voice coarse from crying.

"…."

"Well?" She demanded in whisper.

"….I had a thought, but had no idea it was your mom in there." He admitted truthfully. "Until the day of the interview."

Asuka cleared her eyes

"Hey, hey." He cooed. "Don't cry. Please. Turn that frown upside down. You know I can't stand to see you sad."

They eventually made their way back home, to find Misato out with Kaji and their classmates most likely back at their own homes.

Rei had left a note:

 _Heading to make sure the hyneas didn't kill everyone in the building. Keep up your training. See you tomorrow._

 _PS, use protection._

 _Rei._

 _PPS. Seriously._

Shinji blushed at his sister's implication before taking it as a sign she was accepting Asuka as a part of his crazy life.

Exhausted from the day's events, Asuka had already returned to her futon and was drowsing off when he finally made his way to his own.

He was justa bout to slip away into a deep slumber when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him. He turned to see Asuka straddling him and lifting her shirt.

"W-wait a sec!" Shinji noted. She stopped and gave him a look of confusion and longing.

"Don't you want me?" Asuka asked, some desperation in her voice.

"More than anything."

His eyes, normally hard and sadistic, were now pools of gentle, comforting love and patience.

"But only if you really, really, really want this. It can wait, you know that."

Asuka cupped his face and leant in closer. He did the same and smiled sweetly and yet weakly.

"I….

"….love…."

"You."

Their lips met as they collapsed onto a futon.

XXX

"I dreamt last night." Shinji told Masataka over the phone the next morning as he prepped breakfast.

"And I take it you usually don't?" Masataka inquired as he watched Max prepare their own breakfast, clad in nothing in his shirt and her underwear.

"Not like this."

"Well, do you…?"

"Yeah, that's the weird part." Shinji then began explaining his dream. "First thing I see is two kids; a little girl with black hair in Asuka's style and a red haired boy looking like me before…you know. Asuka is in the kitchen making pancakes and I think I'm just getting downstairs cause my vision goes up and down, up and down and up and down. The kids see me, and they rush me with the single brightest smiles.

Masataka's eyes glowed with hope

"And the word?"

"…daddy." Shinji admitted.

Two arms then wrapped themselves around Shinji's neck. Two arms he never got tired of seeing. Glancing over his shoulder, he spied Asuka smiling sleepily at him.

"Who you talking to?"

"Asuka, this is Masataka Ikari." The voice said on the other end. "Joke…I mean, Shin… I mean…your boyfriend's grandfather."

"And the new shrink of NERV." Shinji added

Asuka balked at that announcement.

"Wait, we have a shrink?! Since when?"

"Apparently, having the so called hero of humanity being a homicidal psychopath with a cruel sense of humor does things. And who better to be around than the one person with an inkling of how his mind works?" Masataka joked. "I actually have a session with Shinji today, but seeing as your training….i'll be over in an hour or so. I'd be more than happy to listen to you, as well."

"MINE!" Joker hollered over the phone, wrapping his arms around Asuka. "You can't have her, Jiji! I'm not sharing!"

Masataka choked on his words

"HA HA HA HA HA!" The two teens laughed. "See you in a few, old man."

"Um….yes. Yes, yes, of course."

"Sensei, breakfast is here." A female voice cooed over the other end.

"Please button your blouse, Max." Masataka whispered. "Or we migt change the menu…"

"We can hear you, ya know." Shinji added.

….

The call ended, leaving the teens in a mix of gross shock

"Ew."

"I know, right?"

"…And that could've been me and Kaji." Asuka realized.

Luckily, her lover's lips quickly made her forget that thought…as did it make the two of them forget breakfast.

XXX

An hour later Masataka and Max arrived.

"Are you still alright with this, Shinji?" The older man asked his grandson, who shurrged.

"I may be as nutty as a Snicker's bar, but I did say I'd do this. And unlike a certain bearded bastard…"

Both men growled at this.

"…I keep my promises. So, I guess I'll give it a shot."

Remembering the events of the previous day and seeing that Shinji was unintentionally stealing the spotlight from her, Asuka subtly took her coin out of her pocket and gave it a flip.

"So, what seems to be the problem, today?"

"IT'S MY PAPA!" Asuka suddenly shouted, tears stinging her eyes as she wrapped her arms around Masataka. "I HATE HIM! AND THAT SLUT HE MARRIED!"

Shinji's brow twitched ever so slightly at the sight.

 _Two minutes later…_

"And then, when I was five…" Asuka remembered, clutching a pillow as Shinji sat beside and comforted her. "He took me to The Sound of Music….and made me root against the Von Trapps!"

"Go ahead, let it out…" Masataka cooed, with Max handing the girl a glass of water.

Misato then came in, slightly dishelved and surprised by the crowd in her apartment.

"Oh." She said aloud. "Did I miss some…?"

"You must be Major Katsuragi." Mastaka smiled

"Actually, it's Colonel now." Misato smiled back, giving the man a glance over and a handshake.

"Masataka Ikari." The older man smiled. "Phd in Teen Pyshcology, minors in general. Head psychologist of NERV Tokyo branch. I think you mught;ve heard of me."

"Indeed I have." Misato smiled as Pen-Pen waldled in, "Though I didn't think you'd be this good looking…"

Max growled.

"AHEM!" Asuka coughed. "Hello! Traumatized girl pouring her heart and soul out here!"

"Excuse me." Masataka said, returning his attention to the red-head.

 _An hour later…_

Asuka found herself pushed back up as Masataka prepared a series of inkblot image.

"Just tell me the first thing that comes to your mind."

The first inkblot came up.

"My Papa and the skank ignoring me."

Another inkblot.

"My Papa and the skank ignoring me."

Another inkblot.

"Nickelback in a rap battle with the Bare Naked Ladies."

Grandfather and grandson both looked at that inkblot in interest, shot each other confused looks and then shrugged it off. Masataka then showed the last ink-blot.

"My Papa and the skank ignoring me."

"If I may?" Masataka said as he put the ink blots away. "Asuka, you may be projecting some of your anger towards your father and…that woman you've mentioned…in your…"

"Well, duh!" Asuka shouted. "Did you forget everything I poured out already?! I was right! All the men in the Ikari family are bakas!"

The aura of said men blackened for a moment and their forms trembled with barely contained rage.

"Asuka…" Shinji pouted, a slight growl. "That…being….is not an Ikari."

"He merely took up my daughter's name." Masataka growled. "Another sign I should've noticed…"

Max leant in and whispered into Asuka's ear

"Lesson #1…never in any way, paint the 'you know who' of NERV in the same light as those two."

She then did the same for Misato and Pen-Pen the penguin.

The two men breathed away their anger, their eyes returning to gentle but strong

"…Sorry."

"No, not a problem. Anger is natural."

"But I still can't believe your Shinji's grandpa!" Asuka said. "I mean, look at you! You're a bodybuilder! And so serious…where's the Joker wit? The classic comedy like Three's Company, Bewitched and Charlie Chaplin but with references that don't ruin the joke, so I know it's actually intelligent and up to par with 21st century crowds?!"

Masataka and Max shot Joker/Shinji a confused look

"Kami, I love this woman…" He smiled, gazing at his red haired goddess of sanity.

 _Another hour later…_

"Alright, my turn." Max announced. "Asuka, I'm sure you've at least heard of role play…"

"Yeah, yeah, it's what pathetic nobodies do to feel important. Real class and amusing." Asuka half-heartedly said. "Get back to me!"

Max humphed at the girl's attitude, but calmed herself.

"Well, while Masataka sensei disapproves of it on a more professional level than you, role-playing has proved to be very cathartic in some cases."

"One problem." Asuka smirked. "Thanks to Shinji, I killed papa and the skank…"

The three adults shot the boy a glance.

"Oh, don't look so shocked!" He glared back. "You know me!"

"And that's what's messing her up?" Misato asked.

"Probably not entirely." Masataka said, Max nodding. "But it'll probably help."

"I took the liberty of making a pre-recorded German conversation and having it editing to a more male voice."

"And I helped!" Joker smiled, pulling out a photo that Max took and taped to one of Misato's pillows. "You're not going to miss this one, are you?"

Misato shook her head.

"Well, we're going to step out into the kitchen and leave you with the voice and this likeness of your father." Max explained. "Just behave in any way you want. Show us how you feel, there'll be no judgements."

They then left, pulling Shinji away.

" _Guttentag, Asuka."_ The voice said in what may would consider a warm and welcoming tone. " _Would you like to get some strudel at the kugergarden?"_

Asuka pulled out her coin and gave it a flip. Heads she'd be rational, tails she do what she'd wanted to do for years, yet forgotten at the theme park.

Tails.

An unholy roar filled the apartment complex, and the red-haired pilot leapt towards the source of the voice.

"HERE ARE A FEW OF **MY** FAVORITE THINGS, PAPA!" Asuka roared as she began pummelling the couch

"She's a keeper." Masataka and Max said together to Shinji/Joker who merely smiled in knowing.

XXX

After that, the dance-off sessions went much better.

Rei pouted at that.

"I wanted to go with Joker."

"Maybe next time." Hikari comforted,

XXX

Morning came, and the two went shipped off to NERV to ready for the battle.

It was a short yet intense battle, with classical music in the background, sharing screaming and combo attacks, but in the end

And with that, the angel was dead.

"HOLD IT!"

"Party's not over just yet!" Joker beamed. "Rei, where you at?"

The three Evas stood side by side

"A one, and a two and a three." Rei counted

Music suddenly burst all over the city; the Evas dancing to it:

 _It's going down…._

 _I'm yelling TIMBER!_

 _You better move…._

 _You better dance!_

 _Let's make the night…!_

 _You won't REMEMBER!_

 _I'll be the one…_

 _You won't forget!_

The Evas danced to the rest of the song, taking a dramtic bow to the applause of all of Tokyo-3. The Yotube video would easily reach 6 million views and favorites in the 1st hour.

 **What'd you think?**

 **The original idea was for the Evas to dance to the song 'Dream Fighter', like in a Youtube video I've seen a couple of times, but this got in my head and I figured…why not? And I really, really wanted to do an almost full episode like transcript, but on top of my other fics I have been working on a novel I hope to send to a publisher by Christmas.**

 **A relatively closer to canon chapter for what comes next time; the story takes a darker turn and begins what I like to call 'Rise of the Supervillains' arc.**

 **With that said, have a lovely and safe day.**

 **Read and review, would ye kindly?**


	5. You will (Not) Save the Girl

**You will (not) save the girl**

Gendo Rokubungu-Ikari was a control freak. No one doubted that.

Before he met Yui, whenever things did not go his way, he didn't take it very well, often lashing out into fights. Since losing her, he'd forced himself to hold in his emotions until the right moment and to look for any and all possible ways of being in control of a situation that may arise.

All things considered, he was pretty good at it.

Unfortunately, he'd never even imagined to dream of his son becoming a psychopathic clown with a penchant for the Marx Brothers, murder and pranking while driving all around him to question their ideals of sanity. A clown that was GOOD at fighting and killing the angels and, while it was possible to direct his insanity into helping NERV, the boy was clearly a wildcard who did whatever he felt and killed anyone who got in his way.

As he had stated, it was not in the scenario.

But luckily for him, as it turned out, his son had made plenty of enemies in the single year he'd taken the name of 'Joker.' The friends and families of his victims, the city council of town he'd grown up in, students of his school…and a few that hadn't been expected; a vengeful circus crew, a zookeeper's fiancé, the list was actually quite long and surprising.

But regardless, they were, whether the boy knew it or not, enemies of the Joker. Enemies who would work for nothing as long as it meant getting a chance to end the Clown Prince of Tokyo-3.

If anything else, this would prove to be cathartic for him and eliminated many who might impede the scenario with the object of their hate.

It had taken a little doing, especially since he was in the freaking artic when he did it all, on top of making sure a certain spear got out got out of the ice he and the others had left it in…..but he found them.

Every.

Single.

Person.

With a grudge on his former son.

They all shared the same flight.

XXX

Class had let out for the day, and Asuka had invited Hikari for tea at a café not too far from the school. They sat at one of the outside , sipping their drinks and enjoying the little pastries they were offered for half price.

"Where's Shinji?" Hikari asked. "I haven't seen him in days."

"Oh you know that baka…" Asuka smiled knowingly.

"Actually, no I do not." Hikari cut in. "You, with the probable exception of Rei, know him better than anyone else in our class."

Neither girl noticed a van parked across the street from the café.

Asuka, realizing this was the case, continued with her train of thought.

"He's been entertaining kids at the hospital." She explained., not noticing the look of worry on Hikari's face when it fully dawned on her what the Clown Prince of Tokyo was up to "After the fight with the angel, he wanted a little time to unwind…Also said something about sparking the new age of critics with actual tastes."

"And…?" Hikari started, not sure how to word her concern.

"Shinji doesn't hurt kids." Asuka assured her best friend. "Heck, he ACTUALLY smiles sweetly around them.

With her worries downed, Hikari gave her friend a knowing smile

"Well, insanity aside, it'll help him become a good father."

Asuka cringed, choked and spat out her tea into a nearby pot of flowers.

"H-HIKARI?!" Asuka stuttered. "W-we haven't even…! I mean I wanted to and he wasn't objecting…and I just realized who I was talking too."

"You and him?!" Hikari gasped, then remembering their training against the last angel. "But Misato…!"

"…Was out one night and let me finish before you react!" Asuka halted, giving her tea a glance and trying to find the best words to describe what had happened that night without freaking her only friend out.

Hikari held her tongue and motioned for Asuka to continue as the van neither had noticed moved to the corner in front of the café.

"Shinji….that night…." Asuka reminisced. "He gave me something I thought I'd lost or never had or threw away. I…I can't explain the whole thing yet, but….remember when I said he got rid of all my problems? Well, there was one that….we shared…and piloting the Eva gives us. It was probably the single nicest thing anyone ever did for me…and he wasn't even crazy when he did it! So….when we got home and got ready for bed, I did something I never thought of…and he turned me down because he wanted it to be special and for me to be sure."

The class representative, spying the utterly adoring smile on Asuka's face, couldn't help but smile.

"Besides, it's not like you haven't thought the same about Suzuhara." The Pilot smirked. "Yeah, don't think I didn't notice those looks you've been shooting his way."

Hikari blushed at the hypocrisy of her actions

"Question…would Shinji…?"

"Kill you for being a hypocrite?" Asuka mused. "Nein, he only kills when he REALLY hates someone. He'd probably just prank you."

"Non-lethally?" Hikari asked as her phone began to ring.

Asuka was silent on that note before she noticed her best friend frown.

"Everything okay?" She asked as Hikari began to gather her things.

"My sisters need dinner before their classes tonight and my folks have late night meetings. Sorry to run Asuka…"

"No problem." Asuka mused, gently shooing the girl away. "You go be big sister/ future mom of the year and we'll catch up later."

She gave her best friend a hug before grabbing her own bag.

"See you tomorrow, say hi to the munchkins for me!" Asuka waved as the two parted ways

"Same to you and the clown!" Hikair smiled. "And he BETTER SHOW up, or else he'll be suspended!"

Turning around, Asuka chuckled; Shinji was smart enough to make a gas that killed people by forcing them to laugh and smile to death and build his own car out of stuff that he'd found in a junk yard. Never mind taming his pet Hyenas (still needing to learn how that happened), evade authorities for a year and kill Angels without much trouble.

If he could do all that, she doubted he would really suffer without a full education.

The opening of a door filled her ears, and Asuka's world went black as a sack was thrown over her.

XXX

The folks who went after Rei weren't as lucky.

Having accidently overslept, Rei was in such a hurry to get to school on time, she made one divergence in her morning routine:

She'd forgotten to give Harley and Quinn their breakfast.

Needless to say, the hyenas did not complain about the smoregist board/buffet that greeted them when they sniffed somebody sneaking around shortly before Auntie Rei was due to return home.

Whoever had planned this hadn't known about the Joker's pets, so when they suddenly burst through windows or from garbage, no one was prepared. Whether or not Gendo had intentionally left them out or, having been so focused on purging his brain on thoughts of his son, forgotten about them was anyone's guess.

But ultimately, they succeeded in their goal; during the scuffle, one of them thugs managed to throw kerosene into the apartment and strike a match, setting the place aflame.

The Hyenas escaped…their prey did not.

Rei came home to see the entire apartment building in flames and the hyenas sucking marrow out of bones.

"Did you do this?" She asked them.

They shook their heads no just as her phone rang with a text message from Misato:

 _Are you ok?_

She replied yes

 _A car is coming to pick you up. Something's wrong and we need all the pilots at NERV_

XXX

The hospital had been quieter than usual when Joker had arrived, but he paid it no mind

Stepping into the room, Joker was greeted by the click of a gun and the sight of several armed men waiting for him with what appeared to be delight and bloodlust

"My fans!" Joker beamed, getting pulled into the room. "Easy, easy! This suit was expensive!"

"Do you remember us?"

Joker glanced around, spying soliders of varying degrees of looks: Some looked normal, others had Glasgow grins or where missing eyelashes. Thinking for a few minutes, he opened his mouth and answered:

"…NOPE!"

"You…!" One of the soldiers shouted, drawing a knife.

"Oh, are you still mad about that tank?" Joker smiled, getting more guns in his face. "Feels like you are…. Well, I know some great anger management techniques….can you say 'goose Raba?'"

"You set the whole base on fire, boy!" the commanding officer growled.

"Killed our sons!" five sets of adults, not dressed in combat fatigues argued. Joker recognized them as the parents of the ones who may or may not have tossed him into the chemical bath.

"Oh please, you should be grateful." Joker frowned at the killjoys. "An eye for an eye… an over the top death for helping me learn the truth of the world."

"You tore out my eye!" The police officer who'd arrested him for taking an abandoned bike when he was little snapped.

"Put me in a wheelchair!" A former Section 2 agent growled.

"Killed my boyfriend!" A valley girl hissed.

"…And?" Joker mused.

"We're here for payback." The one missing an eye growled as he pistol-whipped Joker to the ground. "And not just us; that circus you stole from

"Oh goody!" Joker beamed. "I love re-pranking people!"

"Wouldn't do that, boy-o." The cop grinned, taking out his phone and showing the boy an image that made him freeze and frown:

Asuka, bound and gagged with some circus people surrounding her.

"Do as we say, and she goes free." The wheelchair grinned. "And the kids too."

Joker let out a sigh and let himself be flung onto the ground as his arms were tied behind his back.

"Well clown-boy," One solider smirked. "Looks like Friday the thirteenth is your unlucky day."

"I don't believe in superstitions."

….

….

….

….

"...How in the blazes do people have so much trouble killing you?" One solider asked.

"I'm very stubborn." Joker smiled. "It's one or my most charming features."

The parents kicked him in the face and began stepping on his back

"Leave Uncle J alone!" Sakura Suzuhara begged

"It's okay, Saki!" Joker beamed. "I got this!"

Outside, two planes filled with angry people descended, and they parachuted to the ground with one goal in mind:

Kill the Joker and anyone who got in their way

CLICK!

One of the men looked down at the noise that had greeted him.

"Huh. Landmines."

….

"Landmines!?"

BOOM!

"Landmines?"

BOOM!

"Landmines?"

BOOM!

"Landmines!?"

The soldiers froze in place.

"HOLY SHIT, THE CLOWN PLANTED LAND-MINES!"

"Oh, your pals found the landmines." A bloodied Joker smiled.

"OH MY GOD, YOU PLANTED LAND-MINES?!" One of the doctors being held in the room screamed in shock and fear. "…We walk the children out there…!"

Joker used this distraction to steal one soldier's gun, breaking his nose and pointing it at the party in front of him….with a serious look on his face as he drew a knife and stabbed one of the parents in the head.

"Oh kiddies!" Joker quickly smiled. "Close your eyes and cover her ears, Uncle J doesn't want you to see this!"

The children did as they were told, but could still make out cartoonish violent sounds.

"Now you schmucks come in here….While I'm at work…Messing with my audience….! And you think I'm going to let you leave alive?"

It was then that it finally dawned on the soldiers…

They were screwed.

When the kids opened their eyes, the soldiers where nowhere to be found and Uncle J returned to his magic show as if nothing had happened.

XXX

Misato glared at the boy in front of her; smirking an irritating smirk in nothing but bandages and a trench coat.

This was Hiro Rokubungi, Shinji's cousin and the sole survivor of what his hometown called 'the clown crowing.'

Apparently in his maddened laughs and relief of having to longer deal with his either neglectful, abusive or boring guardians (Misato honestly didn't care that much anymore), Shinji had forgotten to make sure he'd stayed dead.

Then again, if what Masataka said was true, that was probably Shinji's first 'kill', so being a little sloppy was to be expected.

Masataka had stepped out utterly disgusted and given her a brief fun down: Hiro was admittedly a small part in a larger act, and seemed delighted in that fact.

"Does Shinji know?" Misato asked the others assembled. She received nothing and sighed as she went in.

"Evening Colonel." Hiro smiled "Why so serious?"

Misato ignored his attempts to mimic Shinji and threw a photo onto the table. Hiro whistled.

"Asuka Langely Soryu. Unit of Eva unit 02. Lutienant in the German armed forces and graduate from the University of Munich. In a relationship with fellow EVA pilot Shinji 'Joker' Ikari. She never made it home from school today after tea with a friend." Misato growled. "The witness claims that a van pulled up behind her and then vanished. What do you know?"

Hiro smirked.

"That she has terrible taste. A gal like that could have anyone and she goes with a clown."

He licked his lips.

"And she tastes like sugar-powered bread."

Misato clenched her fists

"Protective, huh?" Hiro asked. "Let me guess; you trained her in some way."

"Tell us where she is and I can assure you three meals a day in a room without a view." Misato struggled.

"And if I don't?" Hiro asked. "What if my associates and I happen to have taking a liking for her? She's cuter tied up."

Misato got up.

"I'm going to need a damn coffee."

Hiro enjoyed the sight of Misato leaving the room before he recongized the grip of a gloved hand force his head to slam into the table.

"That hurt?"

Hiro smirked at his cousin, dressed in a purple suit with a red undershirt and twiddling a crowbar.

"Looking good, Shinji. Been working out? You could really use some sun…"

"Joker."

"Huh?"

"The name is Joker." The boy glared. "The gas clearly hurt your memory…"

"Yeah, and I bet banging that babe must be good for…"

Joker slammed the crowbar into his cousin's face

"…Strike a nerve?" He smirked before giggling. "Heh. Get it? Nerve? NERV?"

"Where." The clown growled.

"Where what?" Hiro asked. "Be specific, cousin."

Joker slammed him into a nearby wall and pulled out a knife, which Hiro found in his arm.

"Tell me what I want to know, or I will disarm you."

Hiro laughed.

"You think you can threaten me?" He smirked. "You got nothing! You already killed mom and dad, screwed up my face…"

"I didn't touch your fat face." Joker growled, reaching for the bandages, determined to tear them off and see what Hiro was hiding.

His eyes widened at what he saw.

"Looking good, huh?"

Hiro now looked exactly like Shinji had before the…incident.

"That's weird." Ritsuko said from the other side of the interrogation room. "He's weird."

The tech-bunnies, Masataka, Misato and Kaji all nodded in agreement. Keep in mind; these were people who had put up with Shinji's antics for a few months. After what he did to the Jet-Alone, on Tokyo-3 Today, the Eva Timber Dance, the Yakuza wedgey rampage, the anime convention Battle Royale and bringing the entire joke and gag economy to its knees with nothing but a hankey and a whoopee-cushion….you get used to it.

Joker growled at the reflection of his former face

"Bringing up memories?" Hiro smirked.

"He does know Shinji could and will kill him without a second thought, right?" Maya asked.

Joker smacked the man in the face.

"Where is she? What did you do?"

His cousin smirked the whole time.

"You want to know what I did." Hiro asked. "Fine I'll tell you….I did what every other bully does; I found the chink in your armor. And I'll give you this much Shin, you were a tough one to break. Someone off their rocker isn't going to be scared of anything, right?

He twiddled his index finger in a 'no-no' manner.

"Wrong-o. Even crazy people are scared of something and you...hehe...I got you figured out."

Joker rose an eyebrow.

"You're scared of being normal." Hiro smiled. "You saw what a fucked up world we live in and decided it was better to be crazy, right? Because when you're crazy, the whole world begins to make sense and you can just ignore all the horrible things you wanted to forget. That's why you went nuts, right? Mom and dad, your folks ditching you….no friends?"

Joker would've added the chemical bath his cousin's pals may have had a part in, but had no time to do so.

"You wanted to never remember all that and you decided to go crazy to escape all that. Got to admit it's a great philosophy….but life's gonna hit you hard. Now, after a full year….You to get a good taste of your own medicine. We've got your girl, we torched your pad and even if your kill me and all the others, we've done the impossible: We hurt the fucking Joker: We showed everyone that behind all that make-up and laughter, he's just a teenage boy crying out for mommy and whining about how unfair life is."

Clearing the blood from his nose, Hiro moved in for the kill when he saw his cousin was still silent.

"Well, like dad always told us; life isn't fair and how it's only going to get worse from here on out…. Shinji."

….

….

For a good two minutes, the room was completely silent.

"Heh."

Hiro rose an eyebrow in shock

"Heh ha."

Wait…

"Heh ha ha ha."

No….

"Ha ha ha ha ha."

No, no, no, no….!

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

No!

"Congrats cous!" Joker smiled, violently shaking Hiro's hand. "You just won the solid gold Cutie doll! You actually brought me back from there!"

Oh no.

This was not good.

"F-From….w-what?" Hiro asked.

"The abyss. Where you stop caring. Where everything you were, knew or would've been dies. We both looked at those nights, cous. But when it looked back?"

Joker glared at his cousin.

"You cowered."

He slapped his former cousin to the floor and then through the door, making Hiro slam into a wall and break most of his face open. Ignoring the others, the clown took out a knife and cut out one of Hiro's knees.

"Where?" He asked again.

Hiro, bleeding from his face and legs, relented and gave his cousin a location.

The clown then stabbed him in the foot

"You sure…?"

Hiro bawling, promised it was the right place. Satisfyed, Joker let Section 2 take him away.

"Oh!" Joker added. "Why don't you use this time to work on your death rattles? I really like the old…"

He cowered and whimpered:

"No, no, no, no, no!"

He then returned to normal as he turned to walk away.

"But a big 'WHY?' is good too. Sayonara, cous! Enjoy the showers….Section 2 certainly will."

XXX

The Joker-Mobile raced through Tokyo-3, running over every sign, car and squirrel that got in its way.

No one dared try and stop it; immediately after Hiro had been taken to the medical wing, Kaji had made a city-wide announcement that explained everything.

"Here comes the clown…" a sniper smirked into his radio.

"Good to know." A circus ring-leader grinned as he turned to one of his fellows. "Croc. Get the girl."

Croc move to do as he was told, shooting a perverse grin to Asuka, who unbeknownst to her kidnappers, was already halfway through the ropes they'd used to tie her to a pole with.

Then the hideout shook and an intercom announcement was made:

 _"EVERYONE BETTER SURRENDER IN THE NEXT THIRTY SECONDS, OR I'M GOING TO BLOW A NEW CRATER IN THIS CITY!"_

 _Then the Joker-Mobile roared in and stopped directly in front of the assembled revenge seekers, who glanced at each other._

 _"TIMES UP!"_

 _The hands on the mobile then reached up and the nails turned, revealing missiles_

 _"WHAT?" The strongman without a nose gasped. "That wasn't even close to 30 seconds!"_

 _"Bye-dee-bye!" Joker grinned as he pressed a button._

 _Smoke soon engulfed the room, and in the confusion, four shapes burts onto the scene._

 _Harely and Quinn leapt onto the lion-tamer Shinji had saved them from and made short work fo him_

 _"Should've thought of treating them better." Rei mused as she slammed a hammer into Croc's face. She then flung it onto the ringmaster's foot. "That is for burning down our apartment."_

 _A worried Shinji made his way to Asuka, tearing off her gag and then ripping her free._

 _"Which ones you want?" He asked cutely._

 _Asuka smiled as she took out her coin and gave it a flip._

 _"Heads none. Tails all."_

 _Tails._

 _Taking a gun she spied laying around, Asuka began to kill her kidnappers one by one in two shots…except one._

 _The fire-breather glared at the three teenagers and hyenas, a smirk on his face. He then performed some hand-signs:_

 _'Ever wonder why I was so quiet?'_

 _The hyenas began to shriek and whimper, with Quinn pulling out an empty Kerosene holder. Realizing this, Shinji pulled out a knife and slung it into the man's forehead as he begun to take a breath._

 _Too late._

 _"SHINJI!"_

 _Asuka pushed him and Rei out of the explosion's way._

 _She was not so lucky._

XXX

Hiro held himself in his cell, fear filling his being.

Shortly after being taken to his cell, he'd gotten a phone call from uncle Gendo….Who was washing his hands of their little party and admonished him on his way of going after Shinji. It seemed that as much as Gendo wanted to control his son and teach him a lesson, he was not willing to allow harm to befall Asuka and Rei.

It was both childish and, having lost his beloved Yui, nothing he would wish on anyone.

Anyone who had survived Joker's rampage was deported to either Korea or Siberia, but Hiro was forced to stay and await his cousin's vengeance. And after what happened to Asuka, he knew that whatever Shinji had in store for him, it would make the night the Joker had been born look like a Saturday morning special.

It had been two days.

Then he heard footsteps. Then the unlocking of the door and the light coming into the cell waking him up.

Two Hyneas pulled him forward, their jaws rendering his limbs near useless.

"I tried to talk. I want you to remember that."

He saw his cousin march closer and closer…and he wasn't smiling.

And that was when Hiro realized the biggest, most glaring flaw in this plan: They'd pissed off a psychopathic, murderous clown with understandably huge grudges against them…and Gendo was nowhere to be found, so Joker had to make do with him.

"W-wait, please!"

A gloved hand covered his mouth as the boy found himself being dragged out of the room and along the hallways.

"I tried to reach out." Joker growled. "Even before the bath."

"And…I-I tried to understand you!" His cousin whimpered weakly as he found himself taped into a car's passenger seat as his still fuming cousin got into the driver's. "B-but y-you never…!"

An elbow to the face silenced him.

"Oh, I think that you understand. Perfectly!"

The car raced throughout the Geofront and into the streets of Tokyo-3, running over and crashing into a variety of things. Joker never smiled once.

"And I think that you just don't care! And I don't know whether you're here to take me down, hurt or boost NERV's rep or just do whatever you want."

His mood, still fowl, took on a hint of sadness and regret.

"I don't suppose it really matters now. Nothing matters."

The car finally stopped in front of something that filled Hiro with dread; a chemical factory.

"Y-you wouldn't!"

Joker finally cracked a grin.

"Would I?"

"You are a monster!" Hiro snapped.

"And you're a Creeper." Joker smirked back as he ripped Hiro out of the car and dragged him towards a Cliffside where the chemicals were being dumped into a lake. "That is the role you seem determined to play, so it seems that I must play mine."

"No, Shinji! Please, list..!"

A red cloth was stuck into his mouth.

"Not exactly a hood…but then again, you were always better than me, right? You should be fine. I am the Joker, and I name you the Creeper!"

Hiro screamed as he feel into the water and struggled as he got closer and closer to the bottom. Joker simply walked down to the lakeside and sat on a log, waiting for something.

Suddenly something washed ashore; Hiro, his skin now yellow and his hair green as he panted for air and cried from the pain before his cousin pinned him to a nearby tree.

"M-m-m-mercy?"

Joker looked his cousin dead in the eye before reaching into his jacket and pulling out a gun,

"Sorry…asshole." He growled. "We're all out of mercy."

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

BANG!

CLICK!

CLICK!

CLICK!

Joker glared at the now smoking gun and then tossed it aside, giving the newly dubbed Creeper one last look; his body was now littered with green, glowing holes…filled with Joker Venom.

"Harley, Quinn." He ordered his pets. "Make it a girl."

The starving Hyenas happily obeyed their master.

XXX

The next day, Shinji made his way to the NERV hospital wing.

There on a bed, her back turned to him, was the love of his life.

"Asuka?" He asked.

"Go away." She whimpered.

"Gelibete, please…." Shinji whimpered

"GO AWAY!" Asuka hissed, revealing her face; half as lovely as it was when they'd first met, the other now more burnt flesh and eyeball then a face. Even with the eventual skin-grafts Ritsuko was planning on perfomring later that day, Asuka was now…broken.

"Asuka…" Shinji tried again

"Fitting, huh?" Asuke weakly laughed. "Toji and Papa always said I was two faced…now I am. You'd better go and find another girl…No one'll put up with a clown with an ugly girl like me."

Disapproving of her words, an idea suddenly filled Shinji's mind. He cleared his voice and began to do something completely different:

Sing.

" _You say….! The price of my love's not a price that you're willing to pay…."_

Asuka's undamaged eye widened

" _You cry…..! In your tea which you hurl in the sea when you see me go by…Why so sad?"_

Asuka turned her face away.

" _Remember we made an arrangement when you went away_ …

His brow furrowed.

" _Now you're making me mad….!"_

"Yeah, and what're you going to do about it?" Asuka snapped. "Look at me! I'm a….!"

Shinji looked her deep in the eyes.

" _Remember despite our estrangement….!"_

His face turned softer and he whispered into her ear:

"… _I'm your man…."_

Stepping back, Shinji gave Asuka a look that she had both seen a hundred times already and yet never before: One of unbridled confidence and sweetness.

" _You'll be back…Soon you'll see…You'll remember you belong to me…"_

Asuka's face began to blush.

" _You'll be back….Time will tell…."_

Shinji gently kissed her hand.

" _You'll remember that I served you well…"_

He then broke away and let a very Joker-like grin encompass his face, raising his hands in triumph.

" _Oceans rise, empires fall! We have seen each other through it all!"_

"No we haven't…" Asuka mumbled

" _And when push comes to shove…"_

He snapped his fingers, and in popped in Misato in a cat suit, Kaji in an owl-ninja costume, Toji in a luchador costume, Kensuke in a green suit riddled with questions and Rei in a red and black harlequin outfit

" _I will send a fully armed battalion to remind you of my love!"_

Asuka the found herself pulled out of the bed and being pranced around the room by Shinji, who was smiling that smile of his while everyone else sang 'dah, dah, dah, dah.'

" _You say our love is draining and you can't go on!"_ Shinji hollered as he took Asuka into a spin and then caught her at arms' length.

Asuka then found herself being pulled back towards Shinji and then flung into the air

" _You'll be the one complaining when I am gone!"_

"Baka Shinji…!" Asuka started, only to feel a gloved finger pressed onto her lips.

" _And, NO! Don't change the subject!"_

She then found herself in a warm hug, Shinji resting his chin on her shoulder.

" _Because you're my favorite subject…!"_

With a sadistic grin on his face, Shinji then sank his teeth into Asuka's neck

" _My sweet, aggressive subject!"_

"NEIN?!" Asuka roared in shock, confusion and anger as she tried to break away, only for Shinji's warmth to fill her. He then kissed and gently licked the bite, cooling Asuka down.

" _My loyal, royal subject!"_

Pulling his head back, Shinji then starred lovingly into Asuka's eyes.

" _Forever and ever…"_

Asuka closed her eye and let their foreheads touch.

" _And ever and ever and ever…"_

As their foreheads touched and they closed their eyes, the girl found herself cradled into Shinji's arms and placed back into her bed.

" _You'll be back…"_

He took a step back to admire her.

" _Like before…."_

A serious look overtook the clown boy, who held out one fist in determination.

" _I will fight the fight and win the war!"_

His face became gentle again

" _For your love…"_

He took of his vest.

" _For your praise…"_

Asuka found her form covered by the purple vest of her boyfriend.

" _And I'll love you till my dying days…!"_

With an insane grin on his face, he then pulled out two guns and began firing at random.

" _When you're gone, I'll go mad!"_

"Like he wasn't already?" Misato teased.

"Shut up!" Toji whimpered, not wanting to get on the clown's bad side.

"So don't throw away this thing we had…"

As they hugged, Asuka began to gradually slip into the embrace.

" _Because when push comes to shove, I will…"_

A grin overtook his face.

" _Kill your friends and family…"_

"Wait, WHAT?" Hikari asked.

"… _to remind you of my love!"_

"You kind of already did…" Asuka smirked as the 'da das' began again.

" _EVERYBODY!"_

The assembled cast did as the clown commanded, with Shinji and Asuka dancing and laughing until the song ended.

"I may be a Joker, but I ain't heartless enough to leave my girl, regardless of what you readers may think."

"Baka?" Asuka asked, looking straight ahead and seeing nothing but a window. "Who're you talking to?"

"Those delicious lips of yours." Shinji smiled.

For a moment Asuka wanted to ask what he meant, but she let the question die unasked. Instead, she let him hold her, ignoring her now always open eye tearing up and then drying.

Shinji had his own warped sense of principles and his own sense of morality. She knew that if she asked him to kill a random stranger on the street, he would smile and ask "How?" but that even if she were to stab him in the heart from the back, he would never lift a finger against her.

As he said, the people precious to him were his weakness, and he would never hurt them.

And if this endeavour had proven anything, it was that anyone who was stupid enough to test that thought was not long for the world.

 **Read and review, would ye kindly?**

 **The song Shinji sings is 'You'll be back' from Hamilton. The whole scene was inspired by a Youtube Underfell comic dub…I thought it fit the story. There are two more chapters with musical numbers planned; next chapter (Make em laugh) and the finale (Emporer Joker)**

 **Now begins the true rise of super-villains arc. I will take any suggestions for who shall become which kind of supervillain, but Kaworu is to be Shinji's arch-enemy.**


	6. (Of course you realize) This means war!

**(Of course you realize) this means war!**

Kaji was wide awake in bed, a smile on his face as he stared at the ceiling.

He was incredibly happy, and not just because of the amazing night he'd awoken from: it had taken a while, especially after all the madness with Asuka's kidnapping, rescue and scarring, but now he and his employers knew one thing for certain:

The old men were indeed killed by the Third child, and what they'd left behind proved everything they'd thought of.

Kaji gave a chuckle. If nothing ever came from him killing the angels, Joker would probably be hailed as a black book hero internationally: With SEELE destroyed, the UN had moved in and re-distributed everything the old man had owned, putting their wealth instead to aiding the poorer countries and those individuals most affected by Third Impact.

The UN had also made Kaji a very wealthy man and awarded him, in secret, the highest international accolades, for his actions in the long scheme. He still had to spy on NERV, but with the biggest threat gone…His departed friends could now rest in peace, and those who'd killed them were now on trial for war crimes.

Hearing a groan, he glancedMisato's sleeping, prone form. A loving smile matched his own and he lent down to kissed her brow, brushing her hair lovingly.

"We just may live through this after all, Misa-chan." He cooed, turning his attention to his nightstand, in which was a small velvet box.

Kaji had no idea, that as of the previous night, he had yet another reason to live.

XXX

"Hello Gendo."

The Commander of NERV found his father-in-law sipping tea when he came down for breakfast one morning.

Gendo had come back to Tokyo-3 two days after Asuka's kidnapping, but no one aside from his house aids knew this; since the original plan of his outing had been to get the spear, which he couldn't risk returning with, he had arranged for a secret plane to take him back. It had been a rough flight, since the pilot had to fly through routes few sane people would.

"Sleep well? Or is hiding from your son's wrath while plotting whatever it is you plot giving you grey hairs?"

To his credit, or because he was too tired and hungry to care, Gendo kept his cool and sat down to his meal, dismissing the help for the rest of day.

"How did you find were I lived?" He asked. "And how did you get it?"

"Your son on both counts." The older man responded. "I had to teach myself to pick locks after I found out my daughter's beloved baby became a psychopath. As for were you lived, he said something along the lines of having bigger proverbial fish to…smile, then taking revenge on you. That, and he knows I enjoy, quote, 'trolling' you as much as he does."

"Why are you here, old man?" Gendo bluntly asked. "And where is your assistant?"

Mastaka chuckled.

"Max is visiting the museum for the day, I'll pick her up later. And what? A man can't have breakfast with the bastard who married his baby girl?"

"He can…but you don't. Unless you have a reason." Gendo mused. "Now. How about we get to the point, I have things to do."

Masataka glared at Gendo with more hatred and disgust than he had ever in his life.

"I have tried to be patient. I have tried to be understanding. I emphasized over and over how both she and I would be elated if you and Shinji somehow came to an understanding. Not an easy task, I give you that much…I prayed against my heart, better judgement and absolute desire that you would listen to me. And what did you do?"

"I couldn't have known that they'd go after the Second Child." Gendo shrugged, seemingly indifferent to the whole affair.

"BULL FUCKING SHIT, YOU COULDN'T!" Masataka roared, flipping the table over and slamming Gendo the floor. "You knew the second they learnt Shinji had someone special, they'd use that against him. And so what if it cost you a pilot, Shinji is the best without even trying and you never held any respect for NERV Germany. No sweat off your back. But how could you even think it'd end well for…?"

"He was getting softer." Gendo pointed out, pushing himself to his feet. "When he first came to this city, the Third wanted the world to burn. I merely gave him a new way of doing it, nowhere near enough to control him. Hell, barely enough to direct him. But the Second? She brought him back to stance where control was possible. Oversight on my part, I should've given those fools the instruction to wait until I returned."

In all honesty, Gendo HAD expected the possibility of Asuka being used to get to Shinji. It was a timeless cliché, but it worked. He'd hoped/assumed that the group would be so obsessed with revenge they'd just attack Shinji, holding onto the belief that after enduring his son's madness, they wouldn't wish that on anyone. And besides, Asuka had military training and Shinji would happily kill anyone who hurt her.

The Commander, convinced he was in the right, then dusted himself off.

"Though, they did do her a favor. Now she is on the outside as she is on the inside."

Masataka's glare increased.

"To think you'd let your own son suffer as you did."

Gendo froze in place.

"You lost Yui. He nearly lost Asuka, and I can assure you, mad as he is…she IS the world to him. Along with Rei and possibly Misato….How do you do it, Gendo?"

"Do what?"

"Sleep at night, knowing she'd be disgusted at what you did. In case you've forgotten, Yui made the EVAs and got trapped in that Unit 01 for Shinji's sake, remember? And her one wish? That you look after him…"

The Commander saw red.

"You don't know anything, old man!" Gendo snapped, punching Masataka in the face. The older man simply stood his ground. "She was my world! And HE took her from me! I hated him the second he came into existence; he took Yui's love from me. And I'll say it: I'm GLAD whatever happened turned him into what he is now."

Masataka simply glared at his son-in-law

"What, no comeback?" Gendo smirked.

The older man took out his handkerchief and cleaned up the blood from his face.

"I lost Yui's mother when I was half your age." Masataka glared at the Commander of NERV. "And I will not lie, every time I saw my daughter's face, I saw the woman I loved. And it hurt. But still, my daughter needed me. So I did what a man does: I got off my ass, comforted my baby and did my damned best to make sure she had the best life she could. It was hard, but by god, seeing her smile made everything worth it. My ONLY failure was letting her marry you, but if I hadn't I wouldn't have Shinji."

Gendo simply smirked.

"If you just came to mooch off some food and say that, we have no more business." Gendo turned to return to his room. "I believe you know that way to the door?"

The older gentleman let out a sigh and began to gather his things.

"One last time, Gendo…..Shinji can't be controlled." Masataka said, ending their conversation as he put on his hat, turned and walked away. "And if you can't see that, you're an even bigger fool than I thought."

Once he was sure Masataka was gone, the Commander, now the sanctity of his room, pulled out a small ice box and marvelled at what was inside:

The cloned Adam embryo.

"Always have a back-up." Gendo smiled.

XXX

Asuka had not yet returned to school, she was rest in hospital after a bit of facial surgery. According to the doctors, the side of her face was still burnt, but now she had lips to cover her teeth and a half functioning eye-lid.

No one had or wanted to ask how Shinji came into possession of such things, or how he'd…convinced the hospital staff to apply them to Asuka, if she so wanted. Kensuke said she'd look like a character in a manga he read; Balalakia, was it?

Asuka then remembered that aside from Shinji, Rei and Misato, no one had come to visit her. Hikari called and texted, but…it just wasn't the same.

Trying to distract herself, Asuka turned on the TV, only to be greeted with something that both confused her and filled her with happiness:

The Joker Show theme song.

"What is that baka up to now?" She asked herself with a smile, her attention now rapt as the boy she loved came onto the scene…

But he wasn't smiling.

"Citizens of Tokyo-3. " Joker said, his face in a frown and his form in a pose that screamed Gendo Ikari. "A while back, I asked for your help in spreading laughs throughout the land. That request fell on death ears, it seems. I'm disappointed in this, though not nearly as disappointed as I am in another thing."

He then pulled down a wall sized photo of Asuka and stared lovingly at her.

"A few days ago, my beloved Asuka Langely Soruyu, pilot of EVA Unit 02, was kidnapped in a ploy to divert me from my mission…

"Help!"

Joker's frown grew.

"Let us out, you psycho!"

"PIPE DOWN IN THERE!" Joker hissed, smacking the wall and getting silence. "Anyways where was I? Oh yes! The folks responsible have been captured and are behind this curtain awaiting their re-education. And I am still on my mission…."

His frown became sad and pulled photo up to reveal a picture of Asuka in the hospital bed, her face covered in bandages.

"…." Joker stared at the screen for a few minutes. "She saved me from going through that."

He then straightened his form and broke into a weak smile.

"So, on top of reminding you of my request to aid in spreading joy worldwide, I am also hear to inform you that my beloved will be making a full recovery, though with some scars. Now, it is within human nature to gawk and whisper but allow me to spell this out for you….Unless the ones who stare are blind, dazzling her compliments of her skills and beauty, under the age of 14 or mentally challenged….I will kill said starers where they stand. It doesn't matter if it is in a public place like the supermarket, or place comfort and education like a school, one of the few places I feel at home in. If you stare at my Asuka and make her feel even the slightest bit negative….There will be nothing to identify you. And for those of you wondering of the penalties for breaking either such request," Joker smiled. "Well, to give you an idea…."

Joker pulled the rope, revealing the blindfolded and bound kidnappers of his Gelibete on a conveyor belt that was being hammered at by giant mallets, had flaming arrows being shot at and replaced. They screamed and begged as they advanced along, Rei smacking any particularly loud ones. Eventually, both the dead and miraculously still living kidnappers reached the end of the conveyor belt, which turned out to be a meat grinder.

Harley and Quinn enjoyed a very tasty lunch, while the rest of Tokyo-3, minus the hospital's children wing, pre/elementary schools and showings of kid movies, was subjected to a scene so graphic not even snuff films would dare tolerate it.

"And!" Joker beamed as he pulled out a fishing net from behind him, filled with fish that had his visage. "I've dumped a sizeable amount of my Joker Venom into the city bays and anywhere fish are. I don't exactly know what'll happen if eat one of them, but…."

Rei then returned and threw a dishelved man at Joker's feet. He had a smile on his face…and a half eaten Joker fish in the other.

"Oh. So that's what happens." Joker mused. "Thank you, Rei."

"You're welcome."

"Rest assured dear citizens, there is an antidote." Joker smiled warmly. "Though, in light of what has happened, I don't feel particularly in the mindset of sharing….unless I see some humour in the upcoming weeks. So…you all let that sink on in and I'll come back next Wednesday to see what you've done. Also, feel free to pray to whatever deity you follow, though spoiler warning….Unless you got a great punchline, I don't think I'll care to listen."

The screen turned back to black as Joker's laughter permeated throughout Tokyo-3.

And Asuka found herself falling even more in love with the Clown Prince of Tokyo-3.

 **Read and review, would ye kindly?**

 **Happy New Year!**

 **A short little chapter and I know that I said that this would be a musical one, but this came to me and I feel I helps move the story along better. Don't worry though, we'll see Shinji break into song at least twice more in story.**

 **Also, not really a Shinji/Joker heavy or Supervillain-esque chapter, apologies for that as well. Next chapter will make up for that and show how this Shinji will react to one of the worst things Gendo ever did in canon.**


	7. Make 'em Laugh (You can)

"And now…a very special edition of The Joker Show." Rei said to the camera, softly and quietly. "Today…Joker reacts to the lack of comedic movement and expresses himself in song."

The spotlight fell onto Joker, sitting on a piano.

"I am greatly disappointed with this nation, and this city in particular." Joker started his broadcast. "Two full weeks have passed since the Joker-fish started popping up. I warned you all there would be consequences if you didn't do what I asked. And what did I ask, again? Oh, right….All I asked for was that you people smile a little more and let a humor out in this dreary world of ours. But have you? NOOOO!"

He giggled at the memory of what had happened to keep him that Wedsnday he'd been scheduled to return.

Hint; it involved him, Asuka and an empty apartment for two straight days. It had ended with most of the furniture needing to be burned/replaced, a worried Misato, scandalized Hikari, elated but concerned Masataka and a seemingly indifferent Rei.

"Is it too much to ask for a pantzing? Some slapstick? Wardrobe malfunctions? Hell, no Youtube Poop?!"

"Ahem…!" a voice off screen said.

"Now, people of Tokyo-3….I am still….not happy with what has happened. But! It occurred to me that YOU are embracing an important part of show-biz and comedy I seem to have forgotten. It's actually the very first thing you learn, so I'm embarrassed for forgetting it: THE SHOW MUST GO ON! Come rain, come shine, come snow, come sleet…the show must go on!"

"And then I realized…perhaps you need to be reminded that not ALL of you have to be like me. So today, that is what I, and my dear friends and NERV will be doing. Enjoy."

He then leapt onto the piano's seat and began to play a simple, gentle melody.

" _ **Now the world is so full of a number things, I know we should all be as happy as."**_ Joker started _ **. "But are we?"**_

" _ **No."**_ Rei, now in a skin tight red and black harlequin outfit, answered.

Joker hit two keys with some force.

" _ **Definitely no."**_ Asuka, now in a red and purple suit that was spilt perfectly down the middle, followed in suit.

Joker repeated his action, but with more force.

" _ **Positively no."**_ Misato, in a catburgler costume, followed.

Joker slammed a fist on the keys.

" _ **Decidedly no!"**_ Kaji, in his owl-ninja costume concluded, only to be shooed off by the girls,

" _ **MM HM!"**_ Joker's heel hit the keys as he nodded in agreement. He then gently played a riff as a picture of the kids he entertained at the hospital played. _**"Short people have long faces…"**_

The picture changed to one of a crowd of people in the hustle and bustle of a downtown square.

" _ **And long people have short faces. Big people have little humor…"**_

A picture of his aunt, uncle and cousin suddenly plopped in from of him, and he frowned an enraged frown.

" _ **And little people have NO HUMOR AT ALL!"**_

Grabbing a crowbar Rei handed him, Joker leapt into the air and smashed the picture into a million pieces as his foot landed on the keys again, getting a giggle from Asuka and the hyenas.

" _ **And in the words of my immortal buddy, Samuel J. Snodgrass!"**_ Joker announced as he pointed off-screen.

The camera zipped to reveal a crash-test dummy with the name 'Samuel J. Snodgrass' plastered on its chest being motioned to wave at the screen by Kensuke and Toji.

"… _ **As he was about to be lead to the guillotine!"**_

A guillotine suddenly dropped down from the rood and the two boys dropped the dummy, which lost its head.

" _ **Make 'em laugh! Make 'em laugh!"**_ Joker sang happily as he pulled the curtain rope that suddenly appeared behind him. _**"Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?"**_

The curtain lifted to reveal Unit 01's head and in front of it; Gendo tied to a chair while the NERV staff Joker cared to care about watched and danced along with him, his fellow pilots

"Sorry, Gendo…." Fuyutsku said sarcastically, looking forward to whatever Shinji was about to enact onto his father. "But we like living and our fish without smiles."

The clown appeared next to his father, smiling brightly and forcing his lips to move along with his own.

" _ **My dad said 'get in the EVA, my son!'"**_

Joker smacked his father across the face with a Joker fish and then fell to his knees as if lamenting some great tragedy before his eyes turned sadistic and he smiled evilly

" _ **But I'm a comical one!"**_

Still on his knees, Joker 'walked' past his father.

" _ **They'll be standing in lines! For them old, honky-tonk, monkey-shines!"**_

He dashed in front of Ritsuko, who cringed and leapt into Maya's arms.

" _ **Now you could study Shakespeare and be quite elite…!"**_

He then turned to Aoba and pulled a guitar from behind him. The long haired tech bunnie let out an 'eep!' of terror as his guitar was tossed to the side of the stage,

" _ **And you can charm the critics and have nothin' to eat!"**_

Asuka tossed a banana peel into the path her boyfriend would be walking in, getting a chuckle out of the hyenas.

" _ **Just slip on a banana peel, the world's at your feet!"**_ Joker beamed as spun through the air and across the floor as if it was laced with oil

" _ **Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh!"**_

In an attempt to get away, Gendo had been jumping backwards during the singing, and whether he had intended to do so or not, had hit a switch that sent a cane flying towards his son.

" _ **Make 'em..**_ WHOA!" Joker sang, only to be lifted and swung around the theatre.

" _ **Make 'em laugh!"**_ Misato and Asuka sang. Picking up where he'd left without flaw or an ounce of hesitiation. _**"Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?"**_

Joker cut the rope to the hook and landed right back in center stage, snapping his fingers as he did so. A picture of his grandfather flashed onto the stage as Touji and Kensuke pushed in a large container with two doors and three section-2 agents taped to it.

" _ **My grandpa said go out and tell 'em a joke…."**_ Joker sang as he pointed to the photo of the older man. " _ **But give it plenty of hoke!"**_

"I did no such thing!" Masataka shouted as loud as he could from where he and Max were watching getting pleanty of shocked looks.

Meanwhile, Joker made his way to the container, smiling brightly as he opened the first door

" _ **Make 'em roar!"**_

An enraged lion came from that door, which was promptly shut.

" _ **Make 'em scream!"**_

The second door opened to reveal a picture of the Scream painting. He then tore off the Section 2 agents and smiled fiendishly at them.

" _ **Take a fall…"**_

The section two agent screamed as he was flung into the seats

" _ **Hit a wall…."**_

The second one was flung directly into the wall at the right exit, smashing his nose and mouth shit.

" _ **Split a seam…!"**_

The last agent found a single thread of his suit pulled, and it instantly fell apart to reval he wore a speedo.

" _ **You start off by pretending you're a dancer with grace**_ **!"** Asuka and Misato sang in a snooty tone

" _ **You wiggle 'till they're giggling all over the place!"**_ Rei smiled as she twirled her hammer while singing, Harley and Quinn following her happily

Misato then walked up to Shinji and handed him a package with a smile on her face. She then waved evilly at the commander as he removed it…revealing a custard pie.

"N-no…" Gendo whimpered as he realized what was going on.

"Yes…" Joker beamed as he drew his arm back. _"_ _ **And then you get a GREAT BIG CUSTARD PIE IN THE FACE!"**_

Gendo's face soon met said pie, and he felt a burning sensation as he fell to the ground in pain. Joekr flipped out a can of acid and waved it at the camera as he pointed to his now screaming father.

" _ **Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh!"**_

The group then broke into a series of dance/comedy routines straight out of an old movie; twirling canes or mallets as the drums rolled, then tossing them away.

Rei somehow managing to juggle Harley and Quinn, who in turn spat a ball and knife back and forth between each other.

A couch suddenly appeared, with Ritsuko and Misato on one end and Kaji and Maya on the other. The latter two tried to 'smoothly; grab their loved ones, only to be stopped by looks. This went on for a while before the two friends leapt into the laps of their respective lover.

The tech-bunnies began to dance, only to find their shoe-laces tied together. However, they were so caught up in the song that they paid it no mind; they; they;d try to get up and fall, only to roll to the tune and spin on the floor.

Shiniji and Asuka simply danced to the music, with Shinji twirling his lover in the air and Asuka smiling happily in spite of her burns.

" _ **Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh…"**_ The entire NERV crew sang. " _ **Don't you know everyone wants to laugh?"**_

" _ **Ah ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"**_ Asuka laughed

" _ **Woo ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!"**_ Misato followed in suit

 _ **Wah ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"**_ Rei finished.

A symbol put all other instruments to silent themselves as the spotlight returned to Joker

" _ **Make 'em laugh!"**_ He beamed

" _ **Ah, ha!"**_ Asuka joined in as the trio strutted their way to the camera.

" _ **Make 'em laugh!"**_

" _ **Wah, ha!"**_ Rei added.

" _ **Make 'em laugh!"**_

The symbol was hit again, and everyone got on their knees and stretched their arms to surround the Clown prince of Tokyo-3

" _ **Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh….MAKE 'EM….LAUGH!"**_

Everyone rushed back on stage and gave a bow of thanks as an applause track played.

"Good night, Tokyo-3!" Joker beamed happily as he scooped his beloved Asuka into his arms.

XXX

Elsewhere, someone twitched with rage at what they'd seen.

"That is not how you play the piano…"

 **Read and review would ye kindly?**

 **I tried to pay homage to 'Singing in the rain' while writing this, if anyone could see that. I recongzie it's a relatively short chapter and I may rewrite it later**


	8. You can't fight the madness (or the fear

**You can't fight the Madness (or Fear)**

The United Nations was in an uproar that afternoon; as were all the newspaper worldwide. It had finally happened:

The Joker, formerly known as Shinji Ikari, was the subject of a political debate. His Joker fish had brought the fishing trade of Japan to a standstill, with at least 10 deaths credited to the abominations, as some called them. But compared to the known body count of the boy himself, which seemed to grow more, little by little, with each passing day, it was a relatively small number.

There was also the matter of 'copycats': While few were as extreme, all over the world, several had taken to the Clown Prince of Tokyo-3's words/demands to spike up the 'comedy' worldwide. Their supposed success was determined on whetehr or not the insane boy liked their videos or applauded them on the Joker show, which ahd started airing worldwide every second day.

Back inside the United Nations building, not a lot of progress had been made:

"We can't risk Joker fish getting into international waters." The chairmen started. "At the same time, only a fool would ignore the fact that the boy is needed for our survival against the Angels, without a single loss to his name…"

"He's not the only pilot." Another official pointed out. "We have three, possibly four more."

"You forget that two of the other pilots are his girlfriend and…." Another started before they turned to their spy. "…What exactly is his relation to the First Child, again?"

Said spy, a familiar unshaven man with a relaxed smile and ponytail, thought for a second before replying:

"A little sister figure."

"Ah, yes. Thank you, Kaji."

"No problem, sorry for taking so long to make the report."

Kaji Ryoji had been a triple agent; reporting to the UN, Gendo and SEELE before the last one vanished off the face of the earth, at least in the eyes of most. Considering the great risks involved with simply being a double agent, he was a damn good one

"To say nothing of the acts of terrorism he's encouraging." Someone pointed out, pulling out a laptop and going to a playlist on Youtube:

"HE'S INSANE!"

"And what's wrong with that?" A familiar voice bellowed throughout the room suddenlu. "Insanity has done wonders for me."

They all turned to see Joker himself, sitting on the floor, muching on a hot dog and sipping a Big Gulp.

"…Hi." He said shylly, before his face broke into a massive grin. "I was feeling a little screw-loose, felt cabin-fever coming in, so I….checked myself in."

"H-How did you….?" Someone started

"I snuck on the Minister's flight." Joker said, waving at the man before spying a familiar face. "Kaji?"

The unshaven man didn't respond, not entirely how to interpret the clown boy's presence: He knew that around Misato the boy was affable, although how genuine said affability was was…questionable at best. And while during the musical number they had gotten along, the triple-agent was sure that it was only because the boy was looking forward to humiliating his father and cheering up Asuka.

"Well, now I know why I didn't like you first time we met." Joker mused before clearing his throat and turning to the UN, making a dramtic bow.

"Ladies and gentlemen, mostly gentlemen. I am your afternoon entertainment: The clown prince of Tokyo-3, pilot of EVA 00, the caliph of comedy himself and the reason you even came in this morning….JOKER!"

He then leaned in and whispered:

"But you already knew that, didn't you? My, oh my, what a crowd! Shame none of you came for my jokes. You're just like my uncle and aunt, killing the mood…as usual."

"So you're making fun of us?" Someone asked. "The most powerful political body on the planet?"

"What? Oh no, no, no, no! I'm not making fun of any of you." Joker mused, some hurt in his tone. "THIS is making fun of you!"

He leapt to his feet and started making funny faces, his voice taking on a 'dumb hillbilly' tone.

"WE DON'T DO ANYTHING! WE DON'T DO ANYTHING!" He then recomposed himself. "See the difference?"

Apparently they did, but they took exception to it.

"THAT TAKES THE CAKE!"

His eyes then widened in shock as Joker was holding several delicious looking cakes to his face, compety with burning candles and party hats.

"Where do you want me to put them?" Joker asked, delighting in the confused looks on everyone's faces.

"Don't ask." Kaji said plainly. "You're better off that way."

"SECURITY!"

Several men in blue descended upon the clown-boy and dragged him ot of the room towards the door….which they promptly found themselves standing outside of, Joker nowhere in sight and the door locked on them.

"…Huh?"

"I'm stupefied as to what has just occurred." Another replied.

Inside the building, Joker smiled as he patted the dust off his hands and began his jaunt back to the room, whistling as he did so.

"And who says you need 'super powers'?"

He was just about to enter the room again, when got a call on his phone.

"Hello? Oh hi, Misato. No not really, New York's pretty boring. How's Asuka? Uh huh. Okay. Oh good. That's great to here. Of course I'll be there! And Rei? Really? Huh, you don't say. Yeah, I should be REI HAS WHO DOING WHAT?!"

Inside the room, the politicians heard his scream and prepared for the worst.

"…Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I'll stow onto the next flight. Oh by the way? Kaji's here!...OW! Yell a little louder, why don't you? Oh. Oh? Oh. Oh! Um, yeah…sure, I'll tell him. Bye."

He then marched into the room

"Three things. One: Those men were VERY rude! So, they will not be joining us for the rest of the day. Two: Kaji, Misato says you're not getting any for a week."

Kaji whimpered, like a kicked puppy, something Joker couldn't stand at the moment, so he threw the bitch of the one person in NERV i=he genuinely liked a bone:

"….Unless you bring her back two cases the Manhattan equivalent of Yeisbu, a piece of jewelry and a T-shirt."

Kaji gave a sigh and began mentally list possible gifts for his lover.

"And Three?" Joker finished, glaring at the unshaven man. "Not a word out of you unless you're spoken to."

Said man nodded, but this was ignored as Joker took a look at the faces of the UN: Terror, disgust, forced smiles….

"You know…" He chuckled. "This whole thing reminds me of the first time I ever taught someone the meaning of comedy. It was a week after all…"

He paused, reflected briefly and then pointed to himself.

"…THIS happened. I went to a local drive thru to get a cheeseburger. At the teller, I make it very clear I desire NO pickles on said burger. I get to the window, take my food and check it. Lo and behold….!"

"There were pickles?" Kaji asked.

"There where are pickles. Not just on my burger mind you, but on my fries and in my drink. So what do I do? I whip out one of the knives I swiped and slash off the guy's nose! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!"

All in the room just stared at the insane boy who was also the world's bets hpe against the Angels.

"Oh…" Joker smiled as he cleared his eyes and pulled out his wallet, taking out a picture of Mastaka Ikari. "I bet you love that story, you old rogue."

He then took out another photo: It had him, Rei, and Misato huddled into a corner with…Asuka.

He smiled fondly at his beloved Gelibete: His reason for feigning sanity, his muse

"And YOU'D definitely laugh at that." He said softly.

The look on his face took everyone (minus Kaji) for a spin: This boy, who piloted a Mech, fought angels and killed for the slightest and pettiest of reasons, utterly and truly adored the redhead in the photo. He almost seemed….human, in this state.

Still psychotic and not to be trifled with, but still, a human.

"Um, Joker? What exactly brings you here?" The Chairperson asked, bringing the clown out of his musings, much to his displeasure if the growl he gave was any indication.

"What I want?" Joker asked. "Is that what you asked? What do I want? Are you numbskulls still…? Fine! I'll say it one more time! I even prepped a speech especially for your idiots!"

He cleared his throat and began.

""I know you all came here to talk about getting rid of me while still keeping me around for the Angels, and quite frankly, that hurts. You do it because you don't think I'm funny, because you don't like my style, because you just plain hate me, right?"

He motioned for a response, getting few nods.

"But you just think you do! Because you were manipulated into thinking you do!"

All eyes turned to the true supposed criminal:

"They did it the same way they manipulate us into buying toothpaste, car wax, even the Twilight and Suicide Squad movies! All pre-packaged, the least offensive, most appealing alternative."

"And it's kept the world going!" An ambassador pointed put. "Meanwhile, you seem hellbent on undoing all of that!"

"You're darn right I am!" Joker snapped, pulling out a picture of him before….whatever happened, "LOOK AT THIS! Bland, boring, boorish even! And I'm not just talking about the color!"

"What you call humor…!" Someone started before another polticain interhected.

"Let's stop beating around the bush, people. Mr. Joker…"

"JUST! Joker!" The clown snapped, flinging a knife into the man's chair. "I didn't drop out of high school and pursue this lifestyle just to be called 'MR!' thank you very much!"

"Wait, you dropped out?" Kaji asked. "Does Misato…?"

He was silenced by a glove to the face.

"I told you not to speak unless you're spoken to!" The clown prince of Toyo growled. "You're lucky I didn't tell Misato about WHERE and HOW you got all that intel!"

Kaji whimpered in fear of his lover.

"…you call it humor? Jokes. Pranks? You've killed people!

"You think this is funny?"

"Indeed I do!" Joker beamed. "And it's precisely when humor is offensive that we need it most!"

Rabbling began to stir among the politicians, but they were silenced by the firing of a bullet and Joker's glare.

"Comedy should provoke. It should blast through prejudices, challenge preconceptions. Comedy should always leave you different than when it found you. Sure humor can hurt …and kill, maybe even alienate…but the risk is better than the alternative; a steady diet of innocuous, child proof, flavorless mush!"

Some of the politicians, to their horror, began to nod in agreement

"I want people to demand to be challenged, to be offended, to be treated like thinking, reasoning human beings! To see that under all the doom and gloom, there is something that makes smiles and laughs bloom! And raise your children to be the same! Kami knows these last few generations have been losing their funny bone."

"…That actually makes sense." Someone pointed out.

"See!" Joker beamed, his face giddy with delight. "He gets it!"

"Remove or cure your Joker fish and we'll consider thinking about whatever asinine demands you make." An official said. "Otherwise, the second the Angels are gone, you'll be in a padded cell forever. "

"Maybe we can share one." Joker mused. "They'll be growing like flies, the rate the world's inhabitants are embracing their inner loons."

He then gave a sigh.

"BUT! To show you all I'm not completely lacking in morals…."

He reached behind him, revealing a duffle bag that he threw onto the nearest desk and unzipped before motioning someone to glance inside. One official lost their breakfast at the sight of what was inside. Another fainted. Another simply said:

"….Damn."

"Recognize them? Those are the heads of SEELE." Joker explained. "I killed them my first night in Tokyo-3 just because they mouthed off to be. Want to see what I can do when I REALLY hate somebody?"

There was a silence throughout the air: No one dared to imagine what this boy could do if he had the proper motivation…just looking at what he had done to the fools who'd kidnapped Asuka….

Kaji found himself being motioned to ask something.

"Um…Shinji…"

"Joker."

"..R-right. Joker? What exactly is your plan for all of this to be happening?"

Joker looked at Kaji as if he had sprouted another head, and then frowned.

"Oh Kaji…." He sighed, patting the man on the shoulder. "Kaji, Kaji,Kaji, Kaji…."

Joker then pulled the man down to his level, scrunching his face between his index finger and thumb.

"Sweet, rugged, handsome…IDIOT Kaji!"

The spy was flung onto the floor and suddenly regretting his choice of actions, but was relieved when he was let go.

"I'm so disappointed in you! Do I really look like a guy with a plan?"

"Well, there's what you did to Asuka's kidnappers…."

"You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just, do things." He then turned his attention to the UN. "SEELE had plans, you guys have plans, and that bastard Gendo's got plans. You know, they're schemers. Schemers trying to control their worlds. But me? I'm not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how….pathetic, their attempts to control things really are."

"We keep the world running!" Someone shouted, only to be silenced by a glare.

"You know what?" Joker asked. "It's been a big day, I'm still not used to the time zone and something has come up to make me want to go homeYou let me know when you start taking things a bit more seriously. Until then…Here's my card."

He then flung a Joker card which ended up in the neck of one of the more arrogant politicians, then walked out of the room and hotwired a car back to hotel.

XXX

Two days later, Shinji, a bouquet of roses in his hand and a copy of 'Letters for Assholes' under his arm, made his way through the hospital. A gentle, non psyotic smile was on his face: Today was the day Asuka was finally getting out of the hospital.

He made his way to her room, waving to the kids he entertained and making some sweet funny faces for them, even giving some of them lollipops or making balloon animals. Finally making his way to the room, he saw Rei, Misato, Hiakri, Touji and Kensuke already there…no Asuka yet.

Joker came to the front.

"How was New…?" Kensuke started

"Boring." Joker answered, looking at Hikari, who seemed to be enthralled by a lighter.

"…Fire is the cleanser…." The class representative chanted.

"Rei." Joker asked his sister. "What did you do while I was gone?"

Rei shurrged.

"Representative Hikari enjoys fire." She said simply. "I simply referred to how it can be used to remove wasteful materials. Apparently there was more waste in her neighborhood that pone would think."

"I kinda like her this way." Touji confessed. "Gives us something to talk about.

"You would."

Everyone turned to see Asuka, now dressed in a half red, half yellow sundress. Her burnt face was still evident, but her formerly exposed teeth and eye were now somewhat normal, surrounded by flesh that had been grafted onto her face. She was still burnt, but nowhere near as 'hideous' as she had been at first.

She smiled at the crowd that had come to greet her, but her attention was focused to one person in partiucalr:

"Baka Shinji…" She cooed lovingly, taking Touji and Kensuke for a loop: The Red devil was careful of loving?

Joker vanished, and Shinji made his way to the love of his life.

"Asuka…."

Shinji gently cupped Asuka's face, a sincere and loving smile on his face. She cupped his own face into her own and moved to kiss him, only to stop. She then pulled back and dug into her bag, pulling out one of her most prized possessions:

A coin. She showed the heads side to Shinji.

"You get a kiss right now."

She then flipped it to tails.

"You get more when we're alone."

Suddenly Shinji was actually hoping for one of the options over the other.

Asuka flipped the coin and caught it, slapping it into her other hand.

Tails.

A giddy smile and blush crossed the clown boy's face

"Now, buy me some real food." Asuka demanded, then leaning in and whispering something into Shinji's ear, which made him let out an excitcted 'oooo!'

"And…she's back." Touji sighed.

"Save it for when I'm out." Misato teased as she lead the others to the cafeteria. "And use protection."

XXX

In his private study in his home, Gendo grimaced in spite of the pain in his face; the acid custard pie his son had thrown in his face during his musical number still hurt to this day. His face was now mostly pink and somewhat melted, although thankfully he had gotten medical aid before the acid REALLY did a number on him.

He had just been informed of the boy's arrival at the UN; seems his agent was playing all the sides and the clown bastard had decided to intimidate the UN….with some success, as they had tripled NERV's budget just to keep the boy 'entertained.'

"He seems to be making waves."

Gendo turned to see a boy in a school uniform walking into the room, an unnerving yet gentle smile on his face. Behind him, several Section two agents were whimpering and convulsing.

"Scared you, didn't I?"

"No." Gendo simply replied. "You took longer and yet faster than I thought."

"Your thugs are quite rude and ignorant." The young man said. "Although thankfully, that makes them even more susceptible to my little trick. Then again, Joker-kun has the right idea…just using the wrong emotion. Comedy brings people together…."

He inwardly mused that this would actually help in his goal before returning to his point.

"But fear is power."

The Commander of NERV actually smiled at his new cohort: Someone who shared his opinion of the 'old men' and who agreed to allow his scenario to happen in exchange for some minor favors. For his beloved Yui, Gendo considers the young man's demands simple and agreeable.

"So…we have an accord, Kaworu?"

The boy nodded and shook the commander's hand as he looked at a picture of the Clown Prince of Tokyo-3.

"Joker…What is it you fear, I wonder?"

 **Read and review, would ye kindly?**

 **Not the best chapter, but I wanted to update and this was all I could come up with.**

 **Feel free to offer plot suggestions.**


	9. HA HA HA HA HA!

….

….

….

"You didn't really think I forgot about today, did you?"

A spot suddenly flashed to reveal a chair, it's occupant unseen, but a hand with a glass of grape soda visible.

"In this world…" He mused."….Is the destiny of man truly controlled by some abstract philosophical concept? Is it like solid waste being spewed from the pen of a writer, desperate to add depth to what is otherwise meaningless violence or pointless shipping rather doing something productive in society, like getting another Shovel Knight game in development? At least it is true that man has no control, even over his own fanfic."

The seat twirled around to reveal Joker in a Hawian shirt, sipping on his glass and smiling as he normally did.

"Especially when I'm involved."

XXX

Gendo, his clothes ripped and dishelved, panted as he made it through the last leg of the lake that surrounded NERV. He had been dropped outside suddenly and had to swim all the way back.

Finally reaching shore, he grabbed a nearby rock and panted, looking to his right and irking at the sight of the Creeper, still wallowing in pain.

Ignpring his useless nephew, he turned to the view and gasped:

"IT'S…!"

XXX

"THE NEON GENESIS JOKER APRIL FOOLS SPECIAL!"

Crude, paper cut out version of the staff scuttled across the screen, being chased by a cut out version of Joker, Asuka 'Two-face' Langely and Rei in a harlqueen costume, each armed with a giant mallet. They suddenly stopped and pointed down, causing their less loved co-workers to look down and see….

Nothing,

Letting out whimpers, they each oulled out a sign that said 'Mommy!' and fell downwards, the screen followed them before a cartoon jack in the box appeared, and out popped Misato, holding a sign that said 'Live from his apartment.'

XXX

"Hello there readers." Our hero beamed. "Uncle Joker here, wishing you a merriest of merry days on this beautiful April fool's day. You all probably clicked on this wondering 'what the heck kind of shenanigans is Joekr going to get into today?' Will we horn-dogs finally see the lemon between him and Asuka?"

Asuka, dressed in her two-way dress, kneelt in Joker's lap. The two teens shared a passionate kiss that made some go 'awwww…' and other go 'bleeee!'

"Is there more slapstick punshiment in store for Gendo?"

The Commander of Nerv grumbled and rubbed his face, which burst.

"Will Mastaka or the UN actually do something that advances the plot?"

"HEY!" The older Ikari man snapped.

"Oh hush, you know it true." Sam told her boss.

"You're reading this and are now realizing…HOLY COW! Joekr actually remembered to ignore the 4th wall! What will he do? Will we be given the chance to decide how the story goes? Will we see wanton murder and destruction that somehow brings a smile to our face and makes at least some of us think if sanity is worth it all, especially with the world outside this sanctuary of writing?"

….

…..

"Are we?"

….

"HA!" The pilots laughed. "No we're not doing that! What do you think we are, compeletly unoriginal?"

"In fact!" Joker announced, pulling out a remote from behind him. "This is all you're getting out methis chapter!"

He pulled back a curtain to reveal a video wall

"Here ya go, lets enjoy some good old random comedy!"

He tehn took Asuka into his arms

"We've got some little comedians to get started on…."

Asuka growled suggestively as the reader focused on the first skit.

XXX

An unamused Ritsuko, in a bikini with cat ears and paws, frowned as Maya made her hands do the paddy cake while chanting:

"Baku, baku, nya! Nya! Baku, baku, nya! Nya! Baku, baku, nya! Nya, oh my oh!"

XXX

A bookstore had a line-up for a famous author.

Instead, they got the author of this fic.

"People will read just about anything these days." Mrotrax mused, turning to the reader. "You know? You could be reading an ACTUAL book right now….or spending time with people….or exercising"

….

"Oh, who am I kidding? I love you readers!"

 **(AN: Seriously, you make this worthwhile)**

XXX

A plane was falling into the ocean and everyone was panicking….except for Misato,w ho was trying to pahe someone

"Hello? Come on, this is ridiculous!" She groaned, glancing at the screen on her seat. "'Must love Dogs?' 'Catwoman?' 'Movie 43?' THESE are the in-flight movie choices?"

"WHY AREN'T YOU PANICKING?!" Someone screamed.

"Bitch please, I survived Second Impact Ground zero."

XXX

"I still see your scrawny form, baka." Asuka groaned as she and Shinji tried on suits.

XXX

"STOP!" Rei commanded suddenly.

….

…..

….

….

….

"HAMMER TIME!"

She then began smashing and breaking everything in sight.

XXX

Masataka sat beside Shinji for another session.

"I get that I mustn't run away…where the $#%^ would I go? And who wouldn't?"

"Huh hm."

"I mean look at this place: Asshole dad, uncaring staff, no idea WTF is going on…Honestly, if the girls weren't so hot, I'd have booked out long ago!"

"I agree."

"And seriously? Middle of freaking nowhere for miles! The Joker Tank needs gas ya know!"

"Indeed."

The two men then sat in silence.

"You want to go write Gendo-torture porn?" Masataka suggested.

"Gramps, I thought you'd never ask."

XXX

Joker shut off the video screen, took a deep breath and shouted:

"REI!"

His sister appeared beside him.

"Yes?"

"RELEASE! The Kraken!" Joker commanded

"You killed it last week to feed the homeless and college students studying humor." Rei reminded her brother.

"Oh." Joker remembered. "Well then….RELEASE! CHTULU!"

"You're not saving him for the big finale?"

Joker's index finger wilted like a ballon or randomly dying flower.

"Darn it, you're right." He mused, looking off the stage. "Sorry big guy!"

The dark god let out a pout and stomped out of the room.

"RELEASE! PENNYWISE!" Joker commanded.

"Which one?"

"…The new one plese…THE TIM CURRY ONE OF COURSE! The man is brilliant! Isn't that right fellas?"

"Oh yeeees…" Nigel Thornberry said in agreement as Dr. Frakenfuter, Lord Dragonis and the Butler from Clue muttered along.

XXX

Back at the shore, the boy formerly known as Hiro Rokubungi was still writhing in pain.

"MY BALLS!" Creeper screamed. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BALLS?! WHY WOULD SHINJI DO THIS TO MY BALLS?!"

Harley and Quinn, suddenly anthropomorphic and dressed like British aristocrats, watched their meal squirm in pain.

"This fic is SO unoriginal." Harley said to her sibling. "And morbid."

"Indeed….At least they're aware." Quinn mused, taking out a gun and shooting Creeper. "He wasn't showing up again, anyways."

"Good. All he did was…"

"YOU SHOT ME!"

…

"Reader?" Harley mused. "You can go back to daddy Joker no…"

"YOU SHOT ME IN THE FACE!"

Quinn growled in irritation and fired again, this time killing the one-shot filler villain.

XXX

Shinji and Asuka were on their bed, their lips locked in a heated passion as they began to rip off each other's clothes

"Ahem."

The stopped to see Rei, standing there, looking annoyed

"Shinji…." She frowned.

"R-Rei?"

"You may be a homcidial pyshocpath and comedic genius in this day and age, but you're still 14 years old. Far too young for little comedians, as you say."

"….Rei, you're seriously breaking my balls." Joker groaned.

"No, that is Pilot Soryu's hobby."

….

….

"A HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Te pilots burst intio laugher

"It's funny cause it's true!" Asuka teared….

SMASH!

The screen suddenly smashed, and the scence of the apartment and three laughing teens was replaced by a thick darkness. Then a candle lit up.

Then another, revealing a jack o lantern.

Then another.

"Hello there…dearest reader-kun."

The reader spun around to see an albino boy with chalk whote skin and hair, smiling sweetly. He then pot on a straw hat

"Tell me…what keeps you up at night?"

 **Happy April Fools!**

 **Next chapter we get into the darker aspects of this story**


End file.
